The Times - UK (2020-06-29)

FUNNY

OLD

GAME

Comedian

George Lewis

reflects on the

week’s action

Like everyone else, I’m

watching football at the

moment and trying my best to

pretend everything is normal. Water

breaks, normal. Roberto Firmino’s

hair, completely normal. Players with

their arms around each other while a

masked man sprays the corner flag

with disinfectant, the most normal

thing in the world.

As humans, we have an amazing

ability just not to think about the

stuff we don’t want to think about.

(That’s why, as a Manchester United

fan, you’ll notice I’m completely

ignoring the fact a certain team have

just won a certain thing and there

are a certain number of unread

messages from their fans on my

phone.)

The fake crowd noise has helped

me to pretend everything is normal.

It’s much better than the alternative

— the sound of a defender yelling

over and over again in a cavernous

empty stadium. If I wanted to hear

someone shout “move out!” ten times

in a row, I’d leave my wet towel on

my wife’s side of the bed again.

But the more you

listen to the fake virtual

crowd, the more

annoying they become.

When there’s a VAR

dispute, they’re not

bothered. It seems these

robots stick together.

And, as impressive as the

technology is, they can

feel too predictable

because they are

controlled by an

algorithm and not pure

emotion, like us human

fans. An algorithm would

never strip off and climb a

lamppost to pin a flag to the top,

then celebrate so enthusiastically it

falls off. But that’s exactly

what I saw a Liverpool

fan do last week. And it

was beautiful.

One good thing to

come out of all of this is

that it has proved how

hollow football is

without real fans. These

days it’s easy to feel

insignificant when you

support a big club. If

you disagree with

something you can feel

powerless to affect any

change. Boycott

attempts rarely have a big impact

because the clubs know that there’s

no way everyone will do it.

But now we know what happens to

football when there are no fans we

might start to see the power return

to the people. If the fans don’t like

the way the club is being run, if they

want a manager sacked, if they want

a different brand of pie to be stocked

at half-time, all they need to do is

threaten another boycott. The clubs

will be terrified. This could change

the game for ever. It will be complete

democracy.

It could spell an incredible new era

for the game. Just as long as there

are no big disagreements. If 52 per

cent vote for a manager to leave, and

48 per cent vote for him to remain, it

could cause a division like, well, I

can’t think of a decent comparison

off the top of my head.

I’m distracted because my phone is

buzzing again. More messages from

Liverpool fans. Maybe I do prefer the

virtual crowd after all. At least I can

turn them off.

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attemptsrarel

Watching a man disinfect a corner flag

while players hug is the new normal

14 2GG Monday June 29 2020 | the times

Carried away by nostalgia

In 1990 Liverpool won the league

and Manchester United lifted the

FA Cup having been drawn away in

all four rounds before the semi-

finals. In 2020 Liverpool have won

their first league title since 1990 and

United can become the first team

since then to lift the FA Cup having

been drawn away in all four rounds

before the semi-finals. United have

not kicked off an away fixture at

3pm on a Saturday since before they

signed Alexis Sánchez – a total of 63

away games back to January 2018.

In the FA Cup this season United

have recorded six different

goalscorers in a match for the first

time since 1892 (the 6-0 fourth-

round victory against Tranmere

Rovers) and six substitutions in a

match for the first time ever

(quarter-finals, against Norwich

City). Saturday: Odion opens

scoring (United’s Ighalo). Next

Saturday: Odeons open (post-

lockdown).

Fifty-fifty

Chelsea are still on course to win

FA Cups 50 years apart (1970 and

2020), just 12 months after

Manchester City became the first

team to do so (1969 and 2019). In

the past three seasons Leicester City

have suffered two League Cup

quarter-final defeats at home to

Manchester City (both on penalties

after a 1-1 draw) and two FA Cup

quarter-final defeats at home to

Chelsea (both by one goal). Chelsea,

Arsenal and Manchester United

combined have averaged more than

one FA Cup final appearance per

year since 1994 (27 in 26 finals) and

at least one of them will reach this

season’s final.

Lop-sided Saints

Southampton have won 65 per cent

of their points away this season –

only two teams have exceeded that

percentage in a full top-flight

campaign since 1888. Southampton

yesterday became the first team

since 2006 to score an own goal and

a goal direct from a free kick within

three minutes in a Premier League

match. Danny Ings has scored his

team’s opening goal in 15 Premier

League games this season, six more

than any other player. Pierre-

Emerick Aubameyang is next on

nine for Arsenal.

Spot the difference

Fouls suffered in their past 30

league appearances: Crystal Palace

defender Martin Kelly none, Aston

Villa’s Jack Grealish 148. Having not

played in July in any of their

previous 46 seasons,

Wolverhampton Wanderers will

have played in July twice this

campaign, last year and this. In 2019

they started the season in the

Europa League qualifying rounds,

and in 2020 they will be playing in

the Premier League.

Time to Neil

Neil Warnock, whose

Middlesbrough side faced Michael

O’Neill’s Stoke City, was not the

only Championship manager called

Neil to see his first name in his

opposite number’s surname on

Saturday. Neil Harris (Cardiff City)

was up against Alex Neil (Preston

North End). Warnock has managed

14 different league clubs, four more

than anyone else in English football

history — Steve Bruce is next on

ten (caretaker spells excluded).

Warnock’s Middlesbrough debut

took him to second for most games

managing a league club (all

competitions). Dario Gradi leads the

way on 1,601, followed by Warnock

on 1,525, Fred Everiss (West

Bromwich Albion in the first half of

last century) on 1,524, and Sir Alex

Ferguson on 1,503.

X factor

Liverpool’s Trent Alexander-Arnold

and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain are

only the second pair of champion

team-mates with x in their surname,

after Blackburn Rovers’ Graeme

Le Saux and Jason Wilcox in

1994-95. They are the first

champion team-mates with

hyphenated surnames.

Cream rises

This is the first time since the

league’s formation in 1888 when

there have been five consecutive

seasons with no FA Cup semi-

finalists from outside the top flight.

After Manchester City’s victory at

Newcastle United last night, there

have been 11 more away wins than

home wins in the FA Cup this

season between the fourth round

and the quarter-finals — the biggest

such margin in one season since the

competition’s restructure in 1925.

Game in

numbers

Bill Edgar Manchester United and

Southampton enjoying away days

WATFORD ARE CUP SPECIALISTS

Watford have the best FA Cup record while playing as a top-flight club

compared with their league results in those seasons. Last year’s runners-up

have recorded 1.9 points per game in the FA Cup (at three points for a win) to

only 1.17 in the league. Naturally, top-flight teams produce better overall

results in the FA Cup than the league because some opponents are from

lower divisions

FA Cup v league club record while a top-flight club

Strongest relatively in FA Cup

(points per game better in FA Cup)

Watford

Portsmouth

Bradford City

Wimbledon

Cardiff

Strongest relatively in league

(points per game better in FA Cup)

QPR

Sunderland

Liverpool

Leeds

Burnley

*Minimum ten seasons in top flight. Counting 3pts for win and 1 for draw

0.73

0.54

0.52

0.47

0.43

0.11

0.12

0.15

0.15

0.15

No offence:

Martin Kelly,

who has not

been fouled in

30 games,

wins the ball