ASK E. JEAN
DEAR E. JEAN: I’ve fallen for my boss. I’ve fall-
en so badly in love that I can’t sleep. I have no
way of expressing these emotions, because my
workplace is so strict that I’d get fired for even
telling him. Plus, my husband has no clue that I
love someone else. My boss is in his forties, and
I’m 25. Age doesn’t matter, and I just want to
start getting some sleep at night. Please help!
My career is going well. Should I quit my job,
find a new one, and then tell him I love him? Or
should I stay where I am and embarrass him
in front of his coworkers? Either way, I need to
say something.
—Sleepless in San Diego
Sleepless, My Turnip: Let Auntie E get this
straight: You’re dying of love, crazed from lack
of sleep, and plotting against your husband,
and your office has a dating policy tighter than
a chastity belt? And you’re asking if you should
accost your boss with a declaration of passion?
No. I repeat: No. The person you “need to say
something” to is your husband. Talk to him
honestly about what’s going on. Perhaps he
too is discovering that marriage doesn’t con-
tain all variations of human desires.
DEAR E. JEAN: My boyfriend and I dislike con-
ventional sex. We play a game where he yells
at me, and then I slap him hard across the face,
which leads to a good, hard romp. Afterward, we
laugh. But how do we know if this is too much
rage? Is this going to spiral out of control?
—Vanilla
Vanilla, My Violet: If he’s yelling at you for be-
ing so beautiful he can’t stand it, and you slap
him hard because he’s also forgetting to say
how smart and talented you are, well, bless
your hearts and eyebrows, I think it will contin-
ue to be a very sexy game. But set some ground
rules and use safe words. Of course, I’ve always
thought couples should use safe words, even
when serious arguments flare up. It could pre-
vent a ton of hurt feelings.
DEAR E. JEAN: My boyfriend’s mother con-
stantly talks about his ex-girlfriends. She
praises their beauty, charm, and achievements;
tags them in posts on Facebook; and always
“loves” their updates and photos. (She ignores
mine.) She makes sure both my boyfriend and I
are informed—on a daily basis—about his exes
and their well-being. And the latest garnish on
this Momster Cocktail? Instead of congratu-
lating me on my recent accomplishments, she
asks me to help find his ex-girlfriends jobs at
my company!
My boyfriend is an only child. She is a single
mother who took his moving out and moving
in with me very emotionally. (Bear in mind:
He’s in his midtwenties!) We have agreed to
spend weekends with her to “keep the peace.”
My boyfriend has been very vocal, insisting she
stop talking about his exes in front of us, but she
reacted by hiring a private detective to find dirt
on me and my family. I’m desperate!
—She’s Never Once Complimented Me
Miss Never Once, My Love: You have the up-
per hand here. “Keeping the peace,” spending
weekends in her lair—forget it! Stop seeing
the woman. When she promises to respect
your family and ceases babbling about the
exes, you and her son might meet her for din-
ner. She’s a conniving woman out to extermi-
nate you from her son’s life. Be on your guard.
DEAR E. JEAN: I met the most wonderful man.
We’ve had three amazing dates and have spo-
ken almost every day on the phone. Everything
was going perfectly until two days ago, when he
stopped answering my calls and texts.
I texted him because I was worried, and he
responded by saying he was swamped at work,
and he’d contact me after he completes his big
city-planning project. Then he blocked me on ev-
ery social media platform and blocked my phone
number. I sent a bunch of texts to his business
number, just to tell him that he could count on
me for at least some moral support. His sec-
retary called back to tell me that his decision
(blocking me) was final as of right now. I sent
him one last text to tell him that I was there for
him no matter what. But now I’m scared that I
pushed too hard and that he’ll never want to see
me again. Did I do the right thing by trying to
contact him, even though he said not to?
—Hating to Lose Him
Miss Hating: I love you, you nitwit, but allow
me to suggest that the best way of preventing
a recurrence of such hideous scenes in the
future is to never, ever pester a man after your
first two messages fail to get a response. (And
two is pushing it!)
ASK A QUESTION!
Via email: [email protected]
Twitter: @ejeancarroll
Instagram: @ejeancarroll1
Read past columns:
ELLE.com/life-love/ask-e-jeanWant more Auntie E?
You can watch videos, write with
anonymity, and exchange genius
tips on Advice Vixens at AskEJean.com.
And if you’d like a date: Tawkify.Plus: Violent delights, a
suffocating mother, and a new
relationship gone wrong.
ADVICE
AN OFF-
LIMITS
OBSESSION
116
Gieves^An
d
e
rso
n
(ma
k
e
upby
Wil
liamMurp
h
y
f
o
r^
T
o
mFo
rd)