ANXIOUS?You’renot alone! Here’show to freeyourmindfrom over-thinking,andget themost outof yourmotherhoodexperience...MEETTHE
EXPERTAnnaMathuris a
ps ychotherapist,
authorofMindOver
Mother(£12.99,
Piatkus), anda
mumof threeFeelingBecominga mumis anemotional
rollercoaster.There’sjoy, pride,
fear,frustration...nottomention
take-your-breath-awaylove.
And,formany ofus, therecan
beanxiety, too.‘Whenyou’re
anxious,it canfeel likeyourheadis fullto
burstingpoint,’sayspsychotherapistAnna
Mathur. ‘Andthefeelingsthat comewith it
areoftennegative youmightfeel sad,or
scared.It’s a senseof feelingoutofcontrol.’
Andwhileallthat’sgoingonforyou
mentally, physicallyyournervoussystemkicks
off a fight-or-flightre sponse.‘Backincaveman
times, whatwasfearedwasveryreal,such
asthethreatofa bearattack.Thecaveman
hadtorunandfast, sohehada very physical
response,’ saysAnna.‘Nowadays,we stillhave
thatinnatephysicalresponseto perceived
threats,butit’s oftento thingsinthemindthat
wedon’tneedto fightorrunfrom.Yourheart
mayberacing, yourbreathshallow,andyou
mightfeelsickorshaky.’ Thisis yournervous
system’s way ofgettingyourbody readytofight
or takeflight, becauseit thinksyou’reat risk.
Soundfamiliar?Then chancesare you’ve
experiencedanxiety yourself butkeepin
mindthere’s a differencebetweenthat and
worry.Worrytendstoprompta muchmore
proactiveresponse.Forexample,if you’ve
gotanappointmentandyou’reconcerned
you’regoingto belate,that worrywill
probably makeyoumovea bitfaster that
morning, gettingoutofthedoorwith anextra
fewminutes to spare. Andoncetheevent
happens,thefeelingsubsides.Butanxietyis
a feelingthat’susuallyattachedtosomething
thatyoucannotbeproactiveabout. ‘We tendto
beanxiousaboutthingsthat are completely
outofourcontrol,’explainsAnna.‘Anxiety
feelsall-consumingandstifling,whereasworry
tendstopass. I thinkeveryoneexperiences
anxietytoa degree,butit canbecomea
problemwhenit beginstoimpactnegatively
WORDS EMILY THORPE PHOTOGRAPHY SHUTTERSTOCKonyourexperienceofmotherhood.’
It’s no surprise that many parents experience
anxiety. After all, you’ve entered a brand-new- and quite overwhelming – world. ‘When we
go about our day-to-day lives pre-baby, we
can respond to our emotions, our needs and
our wants pretty quickly. But all of that
changes once you have a baby,’ says Anna.
‘There are now so many more opinions, so
many more options, and so many more
emotions – and tiredness stops us processing
things as easily as we previously might have.
That sense of lack of control is intensified
and brought into sharp focus when we
have a baby we adore. We can do our
very best, but we can’t control how or
when she will sleep, what makes her cry,
or how strong her immune system is.’
And anxiety in motherhood is more
common now than ever before, for
numerous reasons beyond our control.
‘There’s a lot more pressure today, and
mums are exposed to many other people’s
filtered experiences of motherhood. We’re
naturally more prone to comparison when
we’re navigating a massive life shift (which
is exactly what motherhood is), and far
more likely to use other people’s experiences
as a virtual ruler to measure how well we
think we’re doing,’ says Anna. And comparing
our circumstances with those of other people
in an effort to either justify or shut down
negative feelings can be a natural response
to anxiety. But while comparison may give
you a sense of control, it’s actually really
counterproductive. Anna says: ‘Comparison
only makes us feel better and validated
superficially. Like a drug, we seek another fix
when we look for external clues to tell us
whether we’re OK or not. We can end up on a
bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, dependent
on what we conclude.’ It’s worth remembering
that the flawless Insta-mum you follow may
appear to have the perfect life but, in reality,
her baby might not sleep and she may be
going through a rough patch with her husband!
88 | June 2020 | motherandbaby.co.uk