The Washington Post - USA (2020-08-02)

E6 PG EE THEWASHINGTONPOST.SUNDAY,AUGUST 2 , 2020

DearAmy:Iwas highlyoffended

by yourcommentin arecent

answer:“I loveagood

insurrection.”Igatheryou

thoughtyouwerebeingcute, but

sincewhenis aviolent uprisinga

goodthing?

—Disgusted

Disgusted:Ihappenedto

composethatansweronthe

Fourth of July.Thereare any

numberof insurrectionsI

wouldconsiderjustified,

includingtheonethathelpedto

formthiscountry. Otherreaders

alsoreportedbeingoffended,

andIapologizeto thosewho

were.

Amy’scolumnappearssevendaysa

weekatwashingtonpost.com/advice.

[email protected]

orAmyDickinson,P. O.Box194,

Fr eeville,NY 1306 8.Youcanalso

followher@askingamy.

©2 020 byAmyDickinsondistributedby

Tr ibuneContentAgency

andprotectyourplantings.

Ta kingblossomsdeprivesyouof

therightto enjoythem.Breaking

offabranchwillwoundthetree

(andthegardener’s pride).

Many religionsuse flowersas

partofprayerceremonies,but

maybeyoualsowantto usethese

bloomsforyourownkindof

worship.Mypointis thatyour

neighbor’s useofthese bloomsis

NOTmorenoblethanyours.

Perhapsyoucouldtakeher a

pottedgeranium(theirblooms

tendto regrowquicklywhen

plucked).Tell her,“Here is a

plantforyouas agiftfromus. Do

nottakeany morebloomsfrom

ouryard.YoudoNOThave

permissionto dothisanymore.

Doyouunderstand?”

Thereis noneedto explain

further.

Post asmallsignneartheedge

of youryardsaying,“Private

Property,” as alittlevisual

reminderthatevery timeshe

wandersin,sheis trespassing.

shedidit onpurpose.

I’mgettingfed upbutfeel

uncomfortablesayingsomething

sincesheusestheflowersfor

prayer.

WhatdoyouthinkIshould

do?

—KeeperofFlowers

Keeperof Flowers:This may

seemlikeabenignactivitytothe

persondoingit, buttaking

flowersfromprivateproperty is

theft.Yourneighborasked

permissiononlyaftershewas

caught.Yougaveher permission,

andnowyouaregoingto have to

withdrawit.

Perhapsonlyanavid gardener

wouldunderstandhowtruly

disturbingthiscouldbe.

(Gardeningis myprimaryhobby,

andyes—itwould bother mea

greatdeal.)

Becauseyougrowplumeria(a

tropicalplant),Iinfer thatyou

livein awarmclimate. Youhave

investedin,tend,water,prune

youwilldiscoverthatchurch

activitiesareverytime

consuming.Thismight

negativelyaffectyour

relationship,buthisfaith

practicecouldalsoleadhimto a

moreloving,compassionate, and

—yes,peaceful—place.

DearAmy:Myneighbor picks

flowersoffour trees/plantsin

thefrontyard.

Thefirsttimewecaughther

doingthis,shetoldus sheuses

themforprayer andasked if it

wasokay.

This is becomingadaily

routine.Wehardlyhave any

flowersleft.

Today, Icameoutto finda

wholebranchmissingoffmy

plumeriatree.

Whenasked aboutit she

replied,“I picked aflower,and

thebranchbrokeoff.” Those

branchesareverysturdy,the

flowersneednoforcewhen

picked,whichmakes mebelieve

Idon’t go,willitruinour

marriage?

—ConcernedWife

ConcernedWife:Your marriage

shouldnotbe contingentonyou

forcingyourselfto worship

alongsideyourhusband.Ido

suggest thatyouremainopento

hearingabouthisexperience—

askhimhowtheservicewent

andwhatthe topicof thesermon

was,andperhapsattendspecial

holidayservicesif he seems

eager to sharethemwithyou.

Thechurchgoingexperience

willbringyourhusbandintoa

beliefsystem,as wellas anew

socialsystem.Anytimesomeone

formsnewrelationships,it could

placeastrainonthe marriage—

butthealternative(shadowing

himoutof fearthatthe marriage

willbe threatened)is anon-

starter.

If he divesin andstarts

attendingBiblestudyandjoins

church-centeredsocialgroups,

DearAmy:My

husbandof two

yearshasrecently

becomeinterested

in exploring

Christianity.

Hewent to churchas achild

butstoppedgoingwhenhe wasa

teen.Heis nowveryconcerned

aboutwhatwillhappen afterhe

dies.Hesays he wantsto find

“peace.”

Amy, Ihavenointerestin

goingwithhim.Iwas baptized,

butInever wentto churchas a

child.Iamnot abeliever,andto

be honest, Idon’t feel

comfortableparticipatingin

organizedreligion.

Idon’t thinkthereis anything

wrongwithhimgoingto church

by himself or withanother

familymember(wehaveone

whokeepsinvitingus to their

church).

DoIneedto be apartofthis? I

feellikeIwillhateeveryminute

of it andbecomeresentful.Butif

Her husbandis exploring Christianity, but she has no interestin accompanying him in the pews

AskAmy

AMY

DICKINSON

BYGEOFFEDGERS

L

ikesomany, nationalarts

reporterGeoffEdgershas

beengroundedby thenov-

el coronavirus.Sohede-

cidedtolaunch an InstagramLive

showfromhisbarnin Concord,

Mass.EveryFriday, andmany

Tuesday afternoons,Edgershosts

“StuckWithGeoff.”Sofar,hehas

interviewedactressPamelaAd-

lon,musicianDavidByrne,Bill

Nye“TheScience Guy”andbas-

ketball legendKareemAbdul-Jab-

bar,amongothers. Recently,Edg-

erschattedwithcomedianHan-

nahGadsby fromherhome in

Australia.Here areafewexcerpts

fromtheirconversation.

(Thisinterviewhas been edited

for clarity and length.)

Q:We’relivingin aweird

momentof time.Twothingshave

happened:thepandemic,which

haschanged everything, andthe

horrific killing of GeorgeFloyd.

WhenIoriginally wantedto have

youonhere, yousaid: “I don’t

thinkit’s mytimeto comeon. I

thinkit’sthe wrongtime.”That

wasinterestingto mebecause

youweretheoreticallypromoting

acomedyspecial,andit’s rare

thatpeopleinthe entertainment

industrywill decline to promote

something.

A:It justfelt grossto promotea

comedyshowat thattime.It still

feelsalittle weird. Self-

promotionisnot mynatural

habitat. “Gowatch it!” Thekilling

of GeorgeFloyddidn’t seemto

me,as an outsider,aparticularly

newthing.These thingskeep

happening,andtheyhappen here

as well.Wehave Aboriginal

deathsin custodyhere.Ididn’t

feellike megoing,“Watchmy

comedyshow,please”seemed

appropriate.

Q:It is hardto knowhowto

proceedat amoment likethis.I

thinkyouhave twooptions:One

is if you’reworking,you have to

decide howyougo aboutdoing

whatyou’redoing becauseit

seemsinconsequential in the

universe. Youalsohave to ask:

Whatcan Idotohelpin this

situation?

A:It shouldfeel like thatall the

time.Even whenthere isn’t mass

upheaval, howcanyoube a

productivecitizen?Ithinkthat’s

adecent question. Also,there’s an

intenseamount of pressureto go,

“I’ve gottodothe rightthing

rightnow.” There’s no harmin a

long-termstrategy. I’ve onlyjust

figuredouthowto help in the

post-bushfiresheresixmonths

downthetrack,because I’m

reallyslow.Sometimeswejust

reacttowhatever’s hotin the

news.Andthen,you know,the

devastationof thefiresis still

occurring, butwe’renot talking

aboutitanymore.So Ialways

think:Playthe longgame. It’s not

just aboutthemoment,but long-

termstrategic,systemicchange.

Andyou’vegot to do whatever

youcanin yoursphereof

influence,Ibelieve.

Q:Your relationshiptoart

historyisfascinating.Ilovehow

youtakeart historyandartinto

our world andmock itopenly.But

youmusthaveagreat loveforart

as well.

A:Iloveart. I’mavisual

thinker andseemto be ableto get

alot moreinformationoutof

picturesthanIdowords.Tothis

day, Istillprefermybookshave

picturesin them.WhenIwas a

kidstrugglingat school, I

discovered theartbooks,andthe

wholeworldopenedupand

sparkedmycuriosityanddepths

of thinking.I’vebeenkindof

obsessed ever since.AndIstudied

arthistoryasaway, Ithink,of

tryingto understandtheworldI

like. Ihaveagreaterappreciation

of historybecauseof arthistory.

WhatItendto mockin arthistory

is thedecisionspeoplehave made

of whatshouldbe remembered.

Q:Youhavealways identified as

someonewhodoesn’t reallyfitin.

But suddenlyyourNetflixspecial

“Nanette” comesoutand

everybodyis hailingyou as a

revolutionaryandsomeone who

changedthe faceof comedy. But

wheredoyou fitininthe worldof

comedy?Doyouhangoutwith,

like, GilbertGottfried,ordoyou

feellike comediansin theStates

have embracedyou?Rejected

you?

A:Idon’t knowthatthey

embracedmeor not.Justthe

thoughtof goingtoacomedyclub

andhangingoutwithcomicsfills

mewithdread.Like, “Oh,I’m

goingto waitbackstageinthis

coolroomandgo onstagetoa

bunchofpeoplewhodon’t care

becausetheyjustcomein from

thesuburbs.” ...Ihatecomedy.

Q:Youhatecomedy?Youdon’t

meanthat, do you?

A:Wow. Youask thehard

questions. No,Idon’t hate

comedy.IjustthinkIgot to a

certainagewherethatlifestyle

waskilling me.Andin someways,

it waseasywhenIfirststarted

becauseIwouldgoonstageand

no oneknewwho Iwas.Andthen

it waslike, “Whatisthisstrange

creature? I’ll letthementertain

mewhileIwaitforthebigguy,

thebigguyat theend.”Andthen

asmycareerdeveloped,Ibecame,

in Australia, theheadliner.I’m

sureif Imadeanactiveeffortto

be involvedin theU.S. comedy

scene,maybepeoplewould like

me,butIdidn’t.AndnowIdon’t

feellike IwanttobecauseI’mold.

[email protected]

Q&A

Thegreat Gadsby:How alove of art fostered the comedian’s appreciationfor history

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