6 Body + Soul
Don’t use it as a
substitute for stimulation
from your partner
may be slower, but the finish is defi-
nitely more powerful.
Within a relationship, integrating a
vibrator into sex is fine as long as you
are not using it as a subsitute for stimu-
lation that your partner is unwilling to
provide. If the sex is otherwise great,
don’t worry about it. A vibrator may
help to take you to the peak when
you have reached a certain level of
arousal, but it can never provide the
physical intimacy that gets you up
the hill in the first place.
Send your queries to
[email protected]shouldn’t require artificial stimulation
makes some women feel guilty about using
them, alone or with a partner.
How women feel about vibrators can be
an indication of how open they are about
sex in general. This may explain why
women who use them repeatedly score
higher on levels of sexual confidence.
Having said that, as with much else in life,
vibrators are best used in moderation. If
you use a vibrator each and every time
you have sex, the buzz soon wears off.
Even when you are flying solo, it is
worth taking the time to have a lan-
guid tour of yourself. The build-upwho had never used a vibrator to use one
once a week for a month.
At the end of the study eight women
expressed concern about the possibility
of becoming dependent on the vibrator.
Their reaction was a mix of shock at how
easy it was to achieve orgasm and anxiety
about the impact that it may have if they
allowed themselves to enjoy the experi-
ence. “It was, like, ‘Wow. Gee. I did not
know this could do this. Let’s turn this off.’
You know. That was my reaction. I was
nervous, and did not know it could [bring
me to orgasm so easily]. And I just stopped.
I thought that I might like it, so I thought
I should stop.”
Although there is no doubt that vibra-
tors deliver reliable female orgasms, there
is no scientific evidence that women, or
indeed couples, become dependent on
them. In fact, women who use vibrators
report better sexual function and higher
levels of sexual satisfaction. It makes sense
because only 25 per cent of women can
orgasm through penetration alone, so
vibrators give women certainty. In the
absence of the required level of clitoral
stimulation, they know that they can
achieve orgasm regardless. However, the
ingrained belief that “natural” orgasmSuzi Godson
Sex counsel
I’m worried I’m
dependent on
my vibrator
A
Some vibrators are very powerful
and provide very intense levels of
stimulation. However, they don’t
change the way your body works
or make you less sensitive to gentler forms
of stimulation, so using a vibrator should
not make it harder to climax without one.
Several studies have explored vibrator
use in relationships, but one in particular
concluded that, although using a vibrator
can numb the genitals immediately after
use, sensation is typically restored within
an hour and, crucially, there is no long-
term damage to the nerves.
The issue of dependency is different, and
it is one that both men and women worry
about. When Bat Sheva Marcus at the
Medical Center for Female Sexuality in
New York conducted the study Changes in
a Woman’s Sexual Experience and Expecta-
tions Following the Introduction of Electric
Vibrator Assistance, “dependency” was a
theme. In the study she asked 17 womennnnnnnnnnnnnn
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thetimes.co.uk/bulletinsQ
We’ve got in the
habit of using a
vibrator during sex,
but I am worried I am
becoming dependent on
it. Does using a toy like
this make having an orgasm
without it more difficult?