53TRAVEL Bloomberg Pursuits August 3, 2020
② ... But
animals aren’t
the only
ones making
a mess
Pet accidents require planes to be shut
down upon landing for deep cleaning—
which results in substantial fines for the
owners. But besides dogs, it’s kids who
make the biggest onboard messes. On
more than one occasion, they’ve gone
full Picasso, drawing with markers all
over the seats and walls. The cost of
replacing all that ruined leather and
paneling? Easily $25,000.
Certain foods that stain are banned
unless explicitly requested—chocolate,
soy sauce, and dark berries among
them. The crew also uses Jedi mind
tricks to subtly steer passengers toward
white wine or clear spirits when they’re
choosing alcoholic beverages.
That didn’t stop a certain Silicon
Valley founder from routinely laying
plates of sushi across the floor, then
standing on his seat, cabernet in hand,
and maniacally pouring soy sauce from
up high. (Worse, he would always insist
on eating the entire meal while lying
down, for reasons nobody understood.)
A recent major devaluation of his busi-
ness means he probably won’t be fly-
ing private anymore. According to one
account manager, this type of behavior
is hardly unusual among the tech set:
“Most startup bros quickly get ugly with
their new money, being very aggressive
and demanding.”
The most legendary biohazard
on record occurred during a flight to
Las Vegas. “According to the pilots, the
two passengers on board got wasted
and just [defecated] all over the ves-
sel, smearing it everywhere,” Galli
says. If pet plop usually comes with a
$1,000 cleaning fee, imagine the bill
for the human variety. The instance
has haunted the team ever since—“the
plane’s serial number is 250, but we’ve
called it ‘Poo-50’ internally for years.”③ Beware the
Friday flight
to Vegas
Poo-50 is just the tip of the landfill:
Vegas-bound travelers are frequently
drunk, debauched, or downright
rude. “One high roller in the gaming
world always demanded to smoke on
the aircraft,” says Amy Caris, manager
of in-flight operations. When warned
by pilots, he’d retort, “ ‘You’re going
to turn around, sit in the cockpit,
and fly the f---ing plane,’ ” Caris says.
Eventually, MGM agreed to fumigate
his jet after every flight.
Vegas attracts the crew’s most
detested customers, such as a cast
member of Vanderpump Rules who
mistreated so many assistants that his
account manager never spoke to the
same one twice. A certain HGTV duo
also ranks on the staff ’s list of deplor-
ables for their incessant rudeness and
fighting. “One time they completely
wrecked a luxury van because it wasn’t
a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter,” the account
manager says.
With West Coast pro athletes, the
Sin City pregame gets especially messy.
Eric Dufay, director of charter sales,
says “they’ll start with two bottles of
Hennessy and a handle of Patrón,” then
engage in prelanding push-ups to “get
their buff on” before hitting the dance
floor. Often it simply results in pints
of puke.
“Mile-high club” shenanigans hap-
pen on the return legs, when a plus-
one suddenly joins the passenger
manifest. (Once it was plus-five.) But
affairs aren’t limited to Vegas. “It’s not
uncommon for our membership to
have two accounts—one for their wife,
and a second for their ‘other wife,’” a
manager says. “And when I say it’s not
uncommon, I mean it’s very, extremely
not uncommon.” Surprisingly, the
smaller planes are where more passen-
gers indulge in soft-core porn scenes—
and not in the Legacy 650s with a
retractable privacy curtain.