20 SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2020...................................................It Takes TwoAdult friendships are
hard. Maintaining adult friendships
across forced social distance is harder.
But the 10-year bond between Amina-
tou Sow and Ann Friedman has weath-
ered worse. The co-
hosts of “Call Your
Girlfriend” (“a podcast
for long-distance
besties everywhere”)
have lived on opposite
coasts for longer than
they lived in the same
city. Things once got
so bad, they write in
their debut book, “Big
Friendship” — which
entered the hardcover
nonfiction list last
week at No. 11 — they
went to “couples therapy.”
It worked, and then the pandemic hit.
“Unlike a lot of friendships that are
strained in quarantine, ours is more
used to the rhythm of being far apart,”
Sow said over the phone from her home
in Brooklyn. “We are practicing what we
are preaching when it comes to trying to
stay close to each other, but the longer
quarantine goes on, the more the anxi-
ety really sets in.”
“Your friends are your daily emo-
tional support system,” Friedman said
from L.A., “and now you’re unable to see
them in person, even if they aren’t far
away.” Writing this book in 2019, they
couldn’t have imagined the resonance
their underlying question would have in
2020: What is the value of having a
chosen family, and how do you sustain it
over time as each member — and the
world — evolves?
Of course, the distances that can arise
between friends are not just physical.
Sow is Black; Friedman white. “White
people in particular want to believe that
our relationships are somehow insulated
from these bigger forces,” Friedman
said. “Yes, we recognize racism exists in
the world, but weare really connected,
and somehow special, or safe from those
dynamics.” Only once you realize that’s
not true, she said, can you have an hon-
est dialogue across color lines.
To white people who are unsure how
to talk to their Black friends about race,
“Big Friendship” offers guidance, and a
wake-up call. “There is no way to be
intimately close with people if you refuse
to engage in the truth of how the world
is organized,” Sow said. “For a lot of
people conversations about race are
new. Most of those people I would ven-
ture to guess are white.”
As for the book’s success, the authors
expressed gratitude and disbelief, while
acknowledging how privileged they are
to already have a large audience. “Pub-
lishing is 100 percent a casino,” Sow
said. “It would serve everybody well for
all of the systems that enable success in
publishing to be more transparent.” 0
Inside the List
LAUREN CHRISTENSEN
This 10-year
‘Big Friend-
ship’ has
weathered
worse than
social distance.THE GUEST BOOK,by Sarah Blake.
(Flatiron, 512 pp., $17.99.)“Wel-
come to old money, new heart-
break, big secrets and the kind of
mouthwatering picnics nobody
packs in real life,” was how Elisa-
beth Egan began her review of this
novel set on the Maine island
where the Milton family summers.
After a tragedy Egan “did not see
coming,” a granddaughter makes a
shocking discovery.COVENTRY:Essays, by Rachel Cusk.
(Picador, 256 pp., $17.)Having
completed her self-imposed exile
from autobiographical writing,
Cusk is back with personal essays
that verge on the political, and
“rigorous and uncompromising”
cultural criticism. “Like the best
artists,” our reviewer, Meghan
O’Gieblyn, proclaimed, she has
succeeded in “transforming her
private crises into an expansive
aesthetic vision.”THE SECOND FOUNDING:How the
Civil War and Reconstruction
Remade the Constitution, by Eric
Foner. (Norton, 304 pp., $17.95.)In
this “disciplined, powerful and
moving” work of scholarship —
according to our reviewer, Lincoln
Caplan — Foner makes “a surpris-
ingly optimistic argument”: that
the Civil War era’s “most tangible
legacies” are the 13th, 14th and
15th Amendments, each “with a
clause empowering Congress to
enforce their provisions, guaran-
teeing that Reconstruction would
be an ongoing process” continuing
through the present day.AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 TREES,
by Jonathan Drori. Illustrations by
Lucille Clerc. (Laurence King, 240
pp., $19.99.)Our reviewer, Domi-
nique Browning, called this study
of “the ways humans and trees
interact,” by a former trustee of the
Royal Botanic Gardens, “exquisite.”THE TRUTHS WE HOLD:An Ameri-
can Journey, by Kamala Harris.
(Penguin, 336 pp., $18.)The second
Black woman elected to the United
States Senate explores “the core
truths that unite us” in this memoir
ranging from her childhood as the
daughter of immigrant, civil-rights-
activist parents, to her law career,
to her questioning of Judge Brett
Kavanaugh during his Supreme
Court confirmation hearing.MARILOU IS EVERYWHERE,by Sarah
Elaine Smith. (Riverhead, 288 pp.,
$17.)When the befuddled alcoholic
mother of a popular teenage girl
who disappeared mistakes another
girl for her daughter, the “hungry”
loner Cindy starts to dress and
pose as the missing girl. “Brim-
ming with longing,” this “strange
and powerful” debut novel, in the
words of our reviewer, Rachel
Khong, is “a coming-of-age by
coming into somebody else.”Paperback Row/ BY JENNIFER KRAUSS
PRINT | HARDCOVER BEST SELLERS
WEEKS
ON LIST
THIS
WEEK
LAST
WEEKTHIS WEEKLAST Fiction WEEK NonfictionWEEKS
ON LIST1
(^3) WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING, by Delia Owens. (Putnam) 99
In a quiet town on the North Carolina coast in 1969, a young
woman who survived alone in the marsh becomes a murder
suspect.
2
(^) NEAR DARK, by Brad Thor. (Emily Bestler/Atria) The 19th 1
book in the Scot Harvath series. With a bounty on his head,
Harvath makes an alliance with a Norwegian intelligence
operative.
3
(^1) THE ORDER, by Daniel Silva. (Harper) The 20th book in the 2
Gabriel Allon series.
4
(^4) THE VANISHING HALF, by Brit Bennett. (Riverhead) The 8
lives of twin sisters who run away from a Southern Black
community at age 16 diverge as one returns and the other
takes on a different racial identity but their fates intertwine.
5
(^5) 28 SUMMERS, by Elin Hilderbrand. (Little, Brown) A 6
relationship that started in 1993 between Mallory Blessing
and Jake McCloud comes to light while she is on her
deathbed and his wife runs for president.
6
(^7) THE GUEST LIST, by Lucy Foley. (Morrow) A wedding 8
between a TV star and a magazine publisher on an island off
the coast of Ireland turns deadly.
7
(^) AXIOM’S END, by Lindsay Ellis. (St. Martin’s) Cora Sabino 1
finds herself caught between her estranged whistle-blower
father and the extraterrestrials who have been living here for
decades.
8
(^8) CAMINO WINDS, by John Grisham. (Doubleday) The line 13
between fact and fiction becomes blurred when an author of
thrillers is found dead after a hurricane hits Camino Island.
9
(^2) PEACE TALKS, by Jim Butcher. (Ace) The 16th book in the 2
Dresden Files series.
10
(^12) AMERICAN DIRT, by Jeanine Cummins. (Flatiron) A 27
bookseller flees Mexico for the United States with her son
while pursued by the head of a drug cartel.
1
(^1) TOO MUCH AND NEVER ENOUGH, by Mary L. Trump. (Simon 2
& Schuster) The clinical psychologist gives her assessment
of events and patterns inside her family and how they
shaped President Trump.
2
(^) THE ANSWER IS ..., by Alex Trebek. (Simon & Schuster) Who 1
is the Canadian-American who got his break on American TV
by hosting the game show “The Wizard of Odds” and whose
pronunciation of the word “genre” has been shared widely on
social media?
3
(^) HOW TO DESTROY AMERICA IN THREE EASY STEPS, by 1
Ben Shapiro. (Broadside) The conservative commentator
describes what he perceives as threats to American history,
ideals and culture. (†)
4 2 HOW TO BE AN ANTIRACIST, by Ibram X. Kendi. (One World)^21
A primer for creating a more just and equitable society
through identifying and opposing racism.
5
(^3) THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENED, by John Bolton. (Simon 5
& Schuster) The former national security advisor gives his
account of the time he spent working for President Trump.
6
(^4) UNTAMED, by Glennon Doyle. (Dial) The activist and public 20
speaker describes her journey of listening to her inner voice.
7
(^5) BEGIN AGAIN, by Eddie S. Glaude Jr. (Crown) An appraisal 4
of the life and work of James Baldwin and their meaning in
relation to current events.
8
(^15) BREATH, by James Nestor. (Riverhead) A re-examination of 6
a basic biological function and a look at the science behind
ancient breathing practices.
9
(^9) BECOMING, by Michelle Obama. (Crown) The former first 85
lady describes how she balanced work, family and her
husband’s political ascent.
10
(^10) EDUCATED, by Tara Westover. (Random House) The 127
daughter of survivalists, who is kept out of school, educates
herself enough to leave home for university.
An asterisk (*) indicates that a book’s sales are barely distinguishable from those of the book above. A dagger (†) indicates that some bookstores report receiving bulk orders.
SALES PERIOD OF JULY 19-