THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, AUGUST 9, 2020 ST 9Vows
In June 2018, when Tara Harper told Frede-
rick Rahr that she was going to drive eight
hours round trip, from Dallas to Pasadena,
Texas, to pick up an elderly and neglected
German shepherd, she never imagined the
man she had been seeing for just a few
months would volunteer to join her. When
he did, she figured he was just trying to
score a few points with her.
But after both had spent time in the car
with the rescued animal, Ms. Harper knew
that having Mr. Rahr, 53, who goes by Fritz,
with her at that time was so much more. “It
didn’t matter to Fritz that our new friend
was dirty and smelled,” she said.
When they returned to Ms. Harper’s Dal-
las home, Mr. Rahr jumped in the shower
with the old dog and gave him what was
probably his first bath. “After the shower,
Fritz and I were sitting on the kitchen floor
exhausted,” Ms. Harper said. “The rescue
came over to Fritz and put his foot on his
arm, thanking him. I started bawling.”
It was then that Ms. Harper, 45, realized
that his love of animals and rescuing them
was real. “But more than that,” she said. “I
knew he was kind. I knew in that moment
that I was going to spend the rest of my life
with this man.”
The pair had first met at a Rahr & Sons
Brewing Company event in Fort Worth,
where Ms. Harper was holding a dog adop-
tion for the charity she co-founded, Paws in
the City. Though Ms. Harper teases that
she’s surprised Mr. Rahr remembers as she
was in sunglasses and a ball cap all day.
Even the date is a little fuzzy now, she says.
“We think it was about nine years ago.”
In September 2017, Mr. Rahr messaged
Ms. Harper on Facebook. “I reached out to
her after I saw her comment on a mutual
topic of interest.” Mr. Rahr says he couldn’t
help himself. “I had to ask Tara out on a
date,” Mr. Rahr said, “There was something
captivating about Tara. Her love and pas-
sion for dog rescue really hit home for me. I
would do anything for my dogs and from
what I could tell Tara would do that and a lot
more.”
Ms. Harper didn’t say yes at first. In fact,
Mr. Rahr, who lived in Fort Worth, asked
several more times before she finally
agreed. It wasn’t that she wasn’t intrigued.
“I immediately thought he was incredibly
good-looking, very nice and funny,” she
said. “The truth is I needed to do my re-
search. Dallas and Fort Worth are two com-
pletely different worlds. I couldn’t simply
make one call and know everything about
him like I could if he lived in Dallas.”
Their first date was in October 2017 at Del
Frisco’s Grill in Dallas, and it turned out to
be more of a first meeting. When Mr. Rahr
arrived at the restaurant, he spotted Ms.
Harper at a table with a half dozen or so of
her friends.
“I thought she was just hanging out with
some friends and we would move to another
table for the evening,” Mr. Rahr said.
But that was not the case. She simply
asked him to have a seat.
“My friends are very important to me,”
said Ms. Harper, explaining why she was
with her friends at the restaurant. “In order
for a relationship to work everyone has to
get along and enjoy each other. He passed
the test with flying colors.”
Mr. Rahr wasn’t bothered by the extra
company. “I immediately fell in love with
her and I did everything I could not to mess
things up in front of everyone,” he said.
Neither Mr. Rahr nor Ms. Harper is used
to messing up.
Mr. Rahr started Rahr & Sons Brewing, a
microbrewery, in 2004, after a long and suc-
cessful railroad career. He had worked at
Southern Pacific, Conrail and, ultimately, at
the Kansas City Southern Railroad as the di-
rector of sales. Back then, microbrews
weren’t popular in Fort Worth, but he man-
aged to grow the business over the years.
In 2011, Ms. Harper left a job as the vice
president in her family’s design and manu-
facturing business only to return in Febru-
ary of 2019 to be a co-founder of Blushly
Beauty, a beauty accessories company that
is a branch of her family’s business.
She has never let fear of failure stop herwhen it comes to relationships, either. She
has been engaged four times and each time
knew the man asking was not “the one.” It
was entirely different with Mr. Rahr, Ms.
Harper said. Right from the start, she said,
“It all felt right.”
In July 2019, she moved into Mr. Rahr’s
Fort Worth home. This past February, they
purchased a home together, also in Fort
Worth.
Mr. Rahr had planned to propose to Ms.
Harper during a trip he organized to New
York in July 2019. “New York City is a very
special place for both of us,” he explained.
“It’s the city Tara grew up in, and she still
has family there.”
But their flight was canceled because of
bad weather. Two months later, he planned
another New York getaway. “I contacted ev-
eryone again, spun the trip to New York
with Tara as a family outing this time with
her family and my sister and boyfriend andher brother and husband,” Mr. Rahr said. “I
wanted to ask Tara to marry me at Rockefel-
ler Center. That was the first place I told
Tara I loved her.”
On the trip were Ms. Harper’s parents,
Suzanne and John Harper of Ennis, Texas,
and her brother, Brad Harper, and his hus-
band, Pedja Arandjelovic, as well as Mr.
Rahr’s sister, Heidi Rahr, and a handful of
close friends. They all met at the planned
proposal spot and Mr. Rahr popped the
question. “She was confused at first, but
soon realized what was going on and that
everyone else was in on it,” he said. “She
bent over, placed her hands around my face,
and said, ‘Yes. Yes. Yes.’ ”
The couple originally planned to marry
July 23 at Villa Balbianello on the western
shore of Lake Como, Italy, with family and
close friends, but they had to pull back those
plans because of the coronavirus. (They are
planning a vow-renewal ceremony at Villa
Balbianello in July 2021.)
Instead, they married at home on July 11.
They dressed their house in a bounty of pink
roses, set up a Zoom call with 45 guests, and
invited a small group to attend in person.
Among those present were Ms. Harper’s
parents, her brother and his husband, and
Mr. Rahr’s two sons from a previous mar-
riage, Will and Hayden Rahr. A friend of the
couple, Ron Corning, officiated, having
been ordained by the Universal Life
Church. And the couple’s dog, Shep (that
forlorn German shepherd they rescued),
acted as ring security during the ceremony.
With a recording of “Here Comes the
Bride” playing, Ms. Harper, wearing a Mo-
nique Lhuillier gown, glided down the stairs
of their home and down an aisle created in
the dining room, which had been set up with
chairs and a lush wall of pink roses. Mr.
Rahr waited at the end of the aisle wearing a
classic custom tuxedo and vest from Sean
Marshall of Marshall & Metcalf.
The ceremony was a mixture of prayers
and readings, and the vows included some
personal jokes. Mr. Rahr vowed “to assist in
rescuing dogs,” and Ms. Harper promised
“to share in long drives to the Duck Camp,”
a reference to Mr. Rahr’s being an avid
hunter.
“After all the changes in plans, as upset-
ting as it was, we pulled together an amaz-
ingly, beautiful wedding in our home with
our family and friends,” Mr. Rahr said.
After the ceremony, the newlyweds
greeted friends and family on Zoom. Guests
wished them well.
“We love you!”
“Congratulations!”
“See you in New York!”
For the in-person guests, an opulent din-
ner prepared by the chef John Bonnell of
Bonnell’s Restaurant in Fort Worth fol-
lowed the ceremony. The small group gath-
ered at a set table with pink roses and white
hydrangea.
Although there was no bouquet toss or a
father-daughter dance, the couple did have
a first dance to Frank Sinatra’s “The Way
You Look Tonight.”
“Even though we prepared for our dream
wedding in Lake Como, Italy, having the
wedding in our home made it feel like that’s
where it was meant to be,” Mr. Rahr said.
“If there is a couple out there who is feel-
ing sadness for not being able to have that
‘dream wedding,’ take a page out of Tara
and Fritz’s book,” Mr. Corning said after the
event. “Don’t let the day be defined by
where it is or how many people attend. Tara
and Fritz are proof you can make it special
and memorable under any circumstances.”She Fell in Love, and the Dog Approved
PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZERB MELLISH FOR THE NEW YORK TIMESTARA HARPER and FRITZ RAHR
How to make his future
wife cry? Give a German
shepherd a bath.
ON THIS DAYWhenJuly 11, 2020
...........................................................
WhereHome of Tara Harper
and Fritz Rahr, Fort Worth
...........................................................
Tears and LaughterWhen it
came time for the vows, Mr.
Rahr began to cry. That, in turn,
caused the officiant, Mr.
Corning, to cry. And when Ms.
Harper saw his tears she
teased, “You too?” Everyone
began to laugh, and Ms. Harper
said she could feel the mood in
the room lighten instantly.
...........................................................
Preparing TogetherLike most
wedding couples, Mr. Rahr and
Ms. Harper had expected to
spend their wedding day apart
up until the ceremony. But the
two spent it together helping
each other get ready. “If we
were in Italy or any other
location we would not have
done it that way,” said Ms.
Harper.
...........................................................
Words From the Groom“Love is
my heart racing every time I see
Tara — at any given moment.
Love is when my problems fall
from my shoulders when Tara
holds me tight. Love is when
Tara understands my faults,
accepts my apologies and tells
me she loves me, even when I
don’t deserve it. Love is her and
I love her for that.”By JENNY BLOCKTara Harper and Fritz Rahr at their July 11 wedding at their home in Fort Worth. Left, Shep, a dog
they rescued in 2018, provided security, and a bit of encouragement, for the celebration.Two years ago, at the
checkout counter of a
five-and-dime store in
Guerneville, Calif.,
Ted Boerner and Rabbi Oren
Postrel looked down into the
display case and saw rings in
black velvet boxes for sale, at
$7.99, $8.99 and $9.99.
They were in town to attend a
wedding, Mr. Boerner explained,
so perhaps commitment was
already on their minds.
“We said, ‘Let’s do it!’ ” Mr.
Boerner said. So they purchased
matching stainless-steel bands
from the $9.99 category.
“We went somewhere that
evening, down by the river, and
gave the rings to each other,” Mr.
Boerner said. “It was something
we talked about, that these would
be symbols. I had resisted the
symbology, but at that point, it felt
right. That was when we got what
we called our ‘training rings.’ ”
The two had met online in 2016
and got together for the first time
at a cocktail bar in Emeryville,
Calif. “Ted was seated at the end
of the bar and I knew it was him
immediately,” said Rabbi Postrel
(left), 58. “He has a very mag-
netic presence.”
Both ordered the same drink —
a Negroni — and the bartender
quickly noticed the connection
between the men.
“She asked ‘How long have the
what is going on?’ ” Mr. Boerner
said. “She must have sensed what
we sensed.”
The two shared their first kiss
that night. “Ted has a limitless
capacity for kindness, and that
kindness comes very easily to
him,” Rabbi Postrel said. “And
nothing that Ted does is done
perfunctorily — everything has
tremendous intention.”
What Mr. Boerner did not ever
consciously intend was to get
married. “None of these words
were words I grew up thinking I
could use, being gay,” he said.
“Deciding to get married was a
bigger leap for me, because it
wasn’t something I aimed for.”
On July 21, in the garden of
friends in Napa, Calif., with 18
people attending, the couple were
married under a huppah made
from a cloth the two had pur-
chased in Mexico on their first big
trip together. Sylvia Boorstein, a
Buddhist minister, officiated.
The two had long since retired
their “training rings” for match-
ing engagement bands, which
both wore on their middle fingers.
So, as part of their wedding, they
ceremoniously moved their rings
to a more traditional location.
“The temporary status of en-
gagement had ended,” Rabbi
Postrel said, “and the permanent
status of marriage had begun.”
NINA REYEStwo of you been together?’ ”
Rabbi Postrel said.
“It was very easy, right off the
bat,” said Mr. Boerner, 63.
After a couple of hours at the
bar, Rabbi Postrel, an independ-
ent rabbi and teacher in Napa
who oversees life-cycle rituals,
offered to make dinner for Mr.
Boerner, the owner of a furniture
design company in San Francisco.
“I just thought it was so charm-
ing, that he took the chance to ask
me, and I took the chance to
accept,” Mr. Boerner said.
Their next date, within the
week, was at a fund-raiser for an
animated documentary film, and
as the two were leaving, in the
elevator on the way down to the
street level, yet another stranger
remarked on the two men’s rap-
port. “The doors opened, and a
woman stepped in and said, ‘The
energy in here is pretty great —Ted Boerner,
Oren Postrel
. ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Finally an Upgrade From the Training Rings
CAITLIN NIELSONWhen Lauren Maillian
joined the New York
Sports Club in
Harlem, her intention
was to work out. Robert Palmer
had the same desire.
In January 2017 that goal
changed for both.
“I had seen Lauren around.
She’s one of the few women who
lifted weights and she was stun-
ning,” said Mr. Palmer, 30, the
owner of Be Exceptional Fitness,
a fitness and wellness business.
When the trainer she was work-
ing out with walked away, Mr.
Palmer went over to chat between
reps. Witty banter ensued. Mr.
Palmer shared his number. Ms.
Maillian, 35, who owns the LMB
Group, a marketing and brand
advisory company, promised to
reach out. She did, and texted him
within the hour.
Two days later they met at
Mist, a local coffee shop. Their
first date turned into two.
“We talked for three hours,”
said Ms. Maillian, who learned
Mr. Palmer lived a block from her.
“We both had meetings so we had
to leave. We got together again
that night. We sat in my car on
the West Side Highway at 96th
Street talking and looking out at
the river until we got kicked out.
We went back to my apartment
and talked until 3 a.m.”
Things were going so well thattions. “Being with Lauren and her
children felt so natural and hon-
est,” Mr. Palmer said. “You don’t
realize how many layers there are
to your soul until someone peels
them back. I could trust her on
everything.”
Mr. Palmer proposed on Dec.
29, 2018, in their living room.
After she said yes, he asked her
children if he had their permis-
sion, and if he could marry them
as well. “I wanted the kids to
know I wasn’t half in and half out.
They showed me so much love. I
wanted to commit my life to them
and her,” he said.
Then 2020 brought two derail-
ments: Mr. Palmer needed emer-
gency knee surgery to repair a
ruptured patellar tendon, and the
pandemic hit. It became clear
their choices were a digital wed-
ding or wait until 2021; neither
option garnered enthusiasm. Ms.
Maillian’s friend, Shari Lebowitz,
offered a solution. The Museum of
Contemporary Art, in Westport,
Conn., had closed during the
pandemic. Ms. Lebowitz, who is
the vice president of the muse-
um’s board, offered the space.
On Aug. 2, 25 guests, dressed in
black tie, gathered in the Helmut
Lang exhibit. The couple were
married by the Rev. Roxy Birch-
field, a minister of the Evangelical
Church Alliance.
ALIX STRAUSSMs. Maillian suggested they take
the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator,
a personality test, on their
phones. “Out of 16 different per-
sonality profiles, both of us were
ESTJ-A,” said Ms. Maillian. “I
couldn’t believe we are both the
executive mind-set. That re-
inforced a compatibility.”
Their commonalities ended
there. Ms. Maillian was divorced
and had two children, Chloe, then
7, and Jayden, then 9, from a
previous marriage. Mr. Palmer
had never been married; he didn’t
have children, and was five years
younger than Ms. Maillian. Still,
their connection was undeniable.
Over the next four months they
saw each other two or three times
a day. That May, Mr. Palmer
moved into her townhouse. A year
went by. There were vacations,
school graduations and holidays
spent creating their own tradi-Lauren Maillian,
Robert Palmer. ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Two Peas in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Pod
KESHA LAMBERTWEDDINGS