18 | BIGISSUE.COM FROM 24 AUGUST 2020letter to my
younger self.t 16 I hadn’t even stumbled across acting.
Drama was not something I did at school, I
was just so focused on sport. I wanted to work
in sports rehabilitation. I would have loved to
be a professional footballer but there were kids who were
just so much better than me at school. But I still wanted
that kind of adulation of running on to the pitch. So sport
was very much my focus. But then I kind of stumbled across
theatre studies – my teacher said to me, we need boys for
drama. I’ve got 12 girls and one boy. And as a 16-year-old
with other interests, girls being one of the main ones, I quite
enjoyed the maths of that. So I probably didn’t join theatre
studies for the right reasons. But I absolutely fell in love with
it – I don’t think I’d really ever felt like that, outside of sport.
It seemed to just really appeal to something inside of me.I can say this now ’cause I won’t get arrested... at 16 I
spent a lot of time in pubs. I felt like I was a bit older than
a 16-year-old. I was always taller than everybody and I
hung out with people who were older than me and I had
jobs outside of school, at Tesco and in various restaurants.
And I went to the pub all the time. We would drink and
we would smoke and that was the Nineties for me. I had
zero responsibility outside of my education. I had nothing
continually playing on my mind like I do as an adult now. I
was confident, outgoing, very social. I was a social butterfly,
I loved being around people. My dad always said to me he
thought my love for acting and my love for people probably
started the moment I was born. My twin sister and I were
born in Cardiff at the University of Wales hospital, and word
got out that these enormous twins were being born – we
were basically the heaviest newborn twins on record in
South Wales at that time. So there were about 25 medical
students surrounding my mum’s nether regions when I
popped out. I came out to an audience. And that’s where
it all started.If I could go back and talk to the 16-year-old me now I’d say
look at what you can achieve if you really believe in yourself.
Just cut all the shit out. Because there were a few times in
my teenage years when my social life felt more important
to me than anything else. I actually missed a few classes in
my first year of drama school, which is a big no-no. I was out
drinking and I couldn’t get up in the morning. I was like, I’ve
suddenly got money in my bank from a student loan – I’m
gonna spend it all on beer. I got a stern talking to at the end
of my first year; they said look, you need to work out what
you want to do, because we believe you’ve got talent but you
need to apply yourself. Part of me thinks that if I’d worked
harder in the early part of my career, I might have achieved
what I’ve achieved now earlier. Because I’ve certainly had
moments in my career where I’ve had to check in with
myself and say, you can do better. And that means staying
up all night and learning those lines and being much more
prepared than other people going into the process. My
self-discipline has changed a lot in 20 years. I now feel like I
reap the benefits of being a really hard worker.There are parts of my character I’d work on harder if I
could go back in time. I’m good with people – part of that
is down to growing up in the church and being the son of
the pastor and having to say hello to everybody. But I think
sometimes my wanting to be diplomatic and not ruffle
feathers gets in the way of standing up for something that
I believe in, having the strength to do that. Because I’m
scared about someone else’s reaction. That’s something I’m
working on a lot at the moment. Though I’ve often thought
it’s good to bring people together, I now think with real,
personal things it’s much more important that people know
the truth. How you genuinely feel. It took me a long time as
an adult to check into how I genuinely feel, because I was
so used to saying, I’m fine, and I just want anyone else to beAIt’s the devil himself
TomEllis2010
Playing the love
interest for the
main character
in Miranda2016
As the devil in
the first season
of Lucifer with
Lauren German2019
With wife,
screenwriter
Meaghan
Oppenheimer,
in Los AngelesPhoto:Everett Collection Inc / Alamy Stock PhotoPhoto:AF archive / Alamy Stock PhotoPhoto:roadimage/Shutterstock18 | BIGISSUE.COM FROM 24 AUGUST 2020
letterto myyounger self.t 16 I hadn’tevenstumbledacrossacting.
DramawasnotsomethingI didatschool,I
wasjustsofocusedonsport.I wantedtowork
insportsrehabilitation.I wouldhavelovedto
bea professionalfootballerbuttherewerekidswhowere
justsomuchbetterthanmeatschool.ButI stillwanted
thatkindofadulationofrunningontothepitch.Sosport
wasverymuchmyfocus.ButthenI kindofstumbledacross
theatrestudies– myteachersaidtome,weneedboysfor
drama.I’vegot 12 girlsandoneboy.Andasa 16-year-old
withotherinterests,girlsbeingoneofthemainones,I quite
enjoyedthemathsofthat.SoI probablydidn’tjointheatre
studiesfortherightreasons.ButI absolutelyfellinlovewith
it– I don’tthinkI’dreallyeverfeltlikethat,outsideofsport.
Itseemedtojustreallyappealtosomethinginsideofme.I cansaythisnow’causeI won’tgetarrested...at 16 I
spenta lotoftimeinpubs.I feltlikeI wasa bitolderthan
a 16-year-old.I wasalwaystallerthaneverybodyandI
hungoutwithpeoplewhowereolderthanmeandI had
jobsoutsideofschool,atTescoandinvariousrestaurants.
AndI wenttothepuballthetime.Wewoulddrinkand
wewouldsmokeandthatwastheNinetiesforme.I had
zeroresponsibilityoutsideofmyeducation.I hadnothing
continuallyplayingonmymindlikeI doasanadultnow.I
was confident,outgoing,very social.Iwas asocialbutterfly,
I lovedbeingaroundpeople.Mydadalwayssaidtomehe
thoughtmyloveforactingandmyloveforpeopleprobably
startedthemomentI wasborn.MytwinsisterandI were
born inCardiffattheUniversityof Waleshospital,and word
gotoutthattheseenormoustwinswerebeingborn– we
werebasicallytheheaviestnewborntwinsonrecordin
SouthWalesatthattime.Sotherewereabout 25 medical
studentssurroundingmymum’snetherregionswhenI
poppedout.I came out to an audience. And that’s where
itallstarted.IfI couldgobackandtalktothe16-year-oldmenowI’dsay
lookatwhatyoucanachieveif youreallybelieveinyourself.
Justcutalltheshitout.Becausetherewerea fewtimesin
myteenageyearswhenmysociallifefeltmoreimportant
tomethananythingelse.I actuallymisseda fewclassesin
my firstyear of dramaschool,whichisabigno-no.Iwas out
drinkingandI couldn’tgetupinthemorning.I waslike,I’ve
suddenlygotmoneyinmybankfroma studentloan– I’m
gonnaspenditallonbeer.I gota sterntalkingtoattheend
of my firstyear; theysaidlook,you needto work outwhat
youwanttodo,becausewebelieveyou’vegottalentbutyou
needtoapplyyourself.Partofmethinksthatif I’dworked
harderintheearlypartofmycareer,I mighthaveachieved
whatI’veachievednowearlier.BecauseI’vecertainlyhad
momentsinmycareerwhereI’vehadtocheckinwith
myselfandsay,youcandobetter.Andthatmeansstaying
upallnightandlearningthoselinesandbeingmuchmore
preparedthanotherpeoplegoingintotheprocess.My
self-disciplinehaschangeda lotin 20 years.I nowfeel like I
reap thebenefitsof beingareallyhard worker.TherearepartsofmycharacterI’dworkonharderif I
couldgobackintime.I’mgoodwithpeople– partofthat
isdowntogrowingupinthechurchandbeingthesonof
thepastorandhavingtosayhellotoeverybody.ButI think
sometimesmy wantingto bediplomaticand notruffle
feathersgetsinthewayofstandingupforsomethingthat
I believein,havingthestrengthtodothat.BecauseI’m
scaredaboutsomeoneelse’sreaction.That’ssomethingI’m
workingon alotatthemoment.ThoughI’ve oftenthought
it’sgoodtobringpeopletogether,I nowthinkwithreal,
personalthingsit’smuchmoreimportantthatpeopleknow
thetruth.Howyougenuinelyfeel.Ittookmea longtimeas
anadulttocheckintohowI genuinelyfeel,becauseI was
so used to saying, I’m fine, and I just want anyone else to beAIt’sthedevilhimselfTomEllis2010
Playingthelove
interestforthe
maincharacter
inMiranda2016
Asthedevilin
thefirstseason
ofLuciferwith
LaurenGerman2019
Withwife,
screenwriter
Meaghan
Oppenheimer,
in Los AngelesPhoto:Everett Collection Inc / Alamy Stock PhotoPhoto:AF archive / Alamy Stock PhotoPhoto:roadimage/Shutterstock