9◼ REMARKS Bloomberg Businessweek August 31, 2020
until suddenly he’s going viral for using Scrabble tiles to pick
stocktickersymbols.TheRobinhoodsetthinkshe’ssmarter
thanWarrenBuffett!Thisprobably isn’t going to end well,
I’ll tell you that much.
Speaking of Robinhood, that whole Hertz saga was about
as weird as it gets. A rental car company was trying to sell
new shares while in bankruptcy court, because its stock
price was on a tear? Let me repeat that: Hertz. Sold. Shares.
While. In. Bankruptcy. I can’t even! You’re sure keeping your
pals over at the SEC busy! I mean, it’s so weird out there,
Bloomberg Businessweek is resorting to cringeworthy satire
to make sense of it all.
Speaking of cringey, what was up with the minutes from
your last meeting? Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t actually read
them. If I had the attention span for that type of stuff, you’d
call me the bond market. Of course, the bond market did
read the minutes, and it thinks you’re being a little rude for
not wanting to keep the party going. Look, I learned this
lesson the hard way—and I sort of thought you did, too—so
it bears repeating: Just do whatever the bond market says,
OK? It’s bigger, better educated, and a sharper dresser than
the both of us.
So please do me a solid and keep this thank-you note in
mind when you host your virtual Jackson Hole summit. No
cowboy stuff, OK? If I hear anybody mutter something about
“irrational exuberance,” I swear I’m gonna blow my top and
hurt a few of these Robinhood types, you got that? The Lord
giveth, and the Lord taketh away. It’s what I do—and I’m
good at it! But right now, this is still a lot of fun for me. And
when I do end up burning folks, do you really want to be
the one who gets thrown under the bus? I mean, you know
you’re going to catch all the blame, right?
C’mon, Fed. We both know you’re smarter than that.
What’s another few trillion?With sincere and deepest gratitude,
The Stock MarketMichael P. Regan is a senior editor at Bloomberg News