Reader's Digest - USA (2019-06)

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He died doing what he loved:

typing his symptoms into WebMD

instead of going to the doctor.

—@Ristolable

day of running around

without a drink or a

pill; if you can always

find contentment just

where you are—you

are probably a dog.

—Jack Kornfield,

author

“Let’s make vacations

less fun.”—Hotels

that put scales in the

bathrooms

—@michelleisawolf

“Dear, if you’ll make

the toast and pour the

juice,” said the newly-

wed bride, “breakfast

will be ready.”

“Good! What are

we having for break-

fast?” asked the new

husband.

“Toast and juice.”

—theadvocate.com

Period shows from the

Middle Ages and the

Renaissance are big

on Netflix, HBO, and

Amazon—Medici and

The Last Kingdom, to

name a couple. Here’s

a list of obscure char-

acters you’ll find way

down on the credits:

1. The knight who was
   afraid to fight: Sir
   Render


2. The undercover
   knight: Sir Veillance


3. The knight who
   always guessed right:
   Sir Miser


4. The knight who
   showed up unexpect-
   edly: Sir Prise


5. The knight who
   drank too much: Sir
   Rhosis


6. The dancing knight:
   Sir Prance-a-Lot


7. The loudest knight of
   all: Sir Roundsound


8. The foulmouthed
   knight: Sir Cuss
   —kingdompursuits.com

HERE’S TO DAD!

doc: Your dad has been

in a coma for nine days.

We’re running out of

ideas.

me: Let me try. (Goes to

adjust thermostat)

dad: (Opens one eye)

—@KeetPotato

scene: A race. The gun

goes off. Every runner

pretends to be wounded,

then laughs and starts

the race.

announcer: And the an-

nual Dad 5k is underway.

—@gojarbe

Why is it called a dad bod

and not a father figure?

—@SkinnerSteven

A few weeks ago, my dad

decided he was going to

order pizza from his iPad.

He’s almost finished.

—@simoncholland

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