2 1GT Tuesday October 13 2020 | the times

times

I

am going to throw the

columnist’s rulebook out

of the window and back

neither Phil Collins nor

Orianne Cevey in the stand-

off between the former

Genesis drummer and his

ex-third wife. Instead,

having ascertained the facts as

best I can from various highly

peccable (as in, the opposite of

impeccable) sources, I’m going

to suggest something outlandish:

they’re obviously fond of one

another. They should try to

make it work.

That’s despite certain obvious

misgivings about Orianne, who,

all bling, boobs, Botox and

beehive at 46, looks like a right

piece of work. And also despite

my having been subjected at

an impressionable age to

Collins’s famous poo-face while

emoting on In The Air Tonight.

And despite this supposedly

quintessential English geezer

buggering off into Swiss

tax exile to write songs

bemoaning the fate of the

homeless back in the country

to whose Exchequer he chose

no longer to contribute.

Never mind that. And

never mind the fact that

Phil, now 69, these days looks

like a cross between Jeremy

Corbyn and Albert Steptoe, I’m

going to put those prejudices to

one side and say: Philip! Stop! If

it’s true you’re really trying to

evict Orianne from your shared

Miami mansion, her having

changed the locks, you should

think again! Give sweet reason

another go. Call me naive, but

I reckon this could end happily

for both of you.

The couple married in 1999,

had two sons, and divorced in

2008. She got £25 million, which

Covid anxiety:

From work stress to facemask rage, the

pandemic is pushing us over the edge.

Don’t worry, it’s possible to have a ‘good’

meltdown, the experts tell Peta Bee

H

ave you lost your

temper recently?

Encountered

someone in the

supermarket without

a facemask and

felt the red mist

descend? Or burst

into tears while watching a David

Attenborough documentary? If so, you

have probably experienced a pandemic

meltdown. A sense of helplessness

combined for many with the stress

of having their working lives turned

upside down is having a profound

effect. Having held it together through

lockdown, people are buckling.

“Emotions as a whole are heightened

right now,” says Bill Mitchell, a clinical

psychologist in London and the author

of a new book on dealing with

emotional turbulence, Time to Breathe.

“We’re living through a situation that

leaves us feeling overwhelmed. Our

mood is flatter and, at any given time,

we might feel angry, sad, guilty or

irritable. We’re enduring sustained

levels of fear and uncertainty.”

The good news is that an emotional

outburst needn’t be a disaster. “There’s

a lot we can do to deal with negative

emotions and the particular thoughts

associated with them,” says Dr

Jennifer Wild, a consultant clinical

psychologist and associate professor

at the University of Oxford as well as

author of Be Extraordinary. Here’s

how to manage a meltdown.

Think short term

Anxiety about sensing you have lost

control is common, Mitchell says,

“and we are not that well programmed

physiologically or mentally to deal

with all of this uncertainty”.

What to do? Accepting that change

is happening and that your emotions

are all over the place is the first step.

“Anxiety is completely understandable,

given the disruption and uncertainty

we are facing,” he says. “But try not to

let these feelings dominate.”

One tip is to live within a shortened

time frame of weeks or months for

a greater sense of certainty. “Make the

most of what is in the present and live

inside a short-term future of this week

or next week, where life feels relatively

secure,” he says. “Thinking too far

ahead will add to your anxiety.”

Recognise your triggers

In February scientists reported in

the Journal of Affective Disorders that

most people typically reported

“feeling irritable approximately one

to two times a week for 30 minutes”.

Clearly their findings were based on

pre-pandemic investigation because

snapping at the children, flying off the

handle at your partner or feeling on

edge with work colleagues has become

an almost daily occurrence for many

since then. Described by Canadian

researchers as a cocktail of emotions,

irritability arises when annoyance,

aggression, anger and frustration

combine to bubble out of control.

Often, that gnawing feeling of

irritability is harder to shake off when

we are tired or feel overwhelmed.

“There are recognised triggers for

irritability, including too little sleep

or a long to-do list,” Wild says. “Start

to recognise when you are most

vulnerable to seeing red and use it

as a sign to take care of yourself by

making a cuppa, taking a five-minute

walk or any other form of self-care,

such as drawing, writing or yoga.”

Let the tears flow

You may find yourself crying at the

most unexpected moments. Don’t

suppress your tears — it’s a good thing

to let go, Mitchell says. Breaking down

over a movie is a far better option that

doing it while talking to your boss.

“Crying is an entirely natural and

primitive way to release emotion,” he

says. “It can be hugely therapeutic to

shed some tears when we need to,

especially if you can connect by

sharing the emotion with others.”

Crying developed because of its

evolutionary function to help us to

survive. “As human beings it is one of

the earliest things we learn how to do

to de-stress in our lives,” Mitchell says.

“And yet somewhere along the line

to adulthood it becomes a socially

unacceptable thing to do.”

There is a tipping point. “A bout of

crying on its own is a healthy release

of pent-up sadness,” he says. “But if

you find you are crying all the time to

the point you are feeling worthless, it

is a symptom of depression and you

should seek medical advice.”

Face your fears

“Sticking your head in the sand about

things you are worried about or fearful

of is the worst thing you can do,” Wild

says. “Instead, identify what it is that

scares you about the current situation,

whether it’s being stuck at home,

unable to cope with the kids being

around, or if you are afraid of being

judged on Zoom calls, then make

a prediction about the worst thing that

might happen when you are placed in

that situation.” What you will soon

realise, she says, is that the worst-case

scenario very rarely occurs.

“Examine the thing you see as

a threat,” Mitchell says. “Often the

threat begins to dissolve.’’ He also

suggests trying to see the funny side.

“We are all struggling with a lot of

things, including technology and

home life,” he says. “Try to turn as

much of it as you can into humour

and don’t internalise any of it — listen

to other people’s perspectives and you

will find that you gradually arrive at

a view that is a long way from where

you started out.”

Give way to grief

There’s a tidal wave of grief in the air

at the moment, says Denise Peters,

cited a different part of a dog’s

anatomy) at having Mum and

Dad back together. Only last year

he called their rekindled romance

“his last relationship”, which is

not necessarily what a woman

wants to hear (it’s a bit like

introducing your wife as “the

current Mrs Smith”), but you sort

of know what he means. For her

part, Orianne referred to

herself as “Mrs Collins” and

said they would be together

for ever.

Now it has all fallen apart

again, possibly because Phil

likes an early night — “9.30,

10pm” — while Orianne is out

and about living it up in the

world’s premier party town until

2am. Or possibly because

Orianne went off and married

another bloke in August, which

I admit is a potential stumbling

block to a reunion. But if it’s

the first one, I reckon that’s

negotiable. “I don’t like Miami

particularly,” Phil revealed in

2016. And yeah, you can see why,
      deaf in one ear, off the sauce, with
      a nerve-damaged foot requiring a
      walking stick, the delights of
      South Beach may start to fade.
      Their kids are almost grown up.
      Phil is loaded. So is Orianne,
      come to that. Can’t they make
      a combination of Miami vice and
      Swiss sanity work for both of
      them? I once interviewed the
      novelist Irvine Welsh, who also
      lives in Miami, as it happens,
      returning frequently — rather
      too frequently, it struck me — to
      his native Edinburgh. He does
      it the other way around, living
      abstemiously in Florida and
      then living... well, not quite so
      abstemiously back in Leith with
      his old buddies. If it works for
      Irvine and his missus, could it not
      work for you, Phil and Orianne?

Cheating

while

competing

in the nearest toilet, if

you’re Igors Rausis, the

disgraced Ukrainian

grandmaster. And not

even there, as it turns

out, Rausis having

been caught on camera

hiding in a loo mid-

game last year studying

solutions to his position

on his phone.

Classy and cerebral

the picture was not.

Pub quiz cheats

googling the capital of

Ecuador in the bogs of

the Red Lion have

looked more dignified.

Now Rausis has been

at it again, changing

his name and putting

on a facemask to enter

a tournament in Latvia.

Naughty man.

Mind you, I’m in no

position to criticise.

I don’t know if you’re

familiar with the board

game L’Attaque — an

ancient version of

battleships? We had a

set at home, and on wet

Sunday afternoons in

the 1970s, there not

being many alternative

diversions, I’d play

my friends, having

beforehand taken the

precaution of scratching

a tiny cross on all

four of my opponent’s

mines. I went six

years undefeated, if

memory serves. And

unlike Rausis, I was

never caught.

Until now, when

I happened to look up

the value of a vintage

1920s edition of

L’Attaque like the one

I have, and found they

go for £650 on eBay. I

have some sentimental

attachment to this item,

but not 650 quid’s

worth. Then again, that

price is commanded by

a pristine set, and mine,

corrupted as four of its

pieces are, is in very far

from mint condition.

Which just (sort of )

goes to show that, even

40 years on, you’re only

ever cheating yourself.

Non-players always

make the mistake

of thinking chess is

a genteel game, a

pleasant after-dinner

intellectual diversion

such as bridge or

charades. The truth

is chess is brutal, no-

holds-barred, mind-to-

mind combat. Mental

boxing, essentially,

with no excuses and no

place to hide. Unless it’s

Robert Crampton

Against all odds, I think

Phil Collins could sort

out his married life

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given that Phil is worth

£130 million, doesn’t seem too

greedy. He admitted he was “a bit

of a bastard” to her after their

second son was born. He also

started drinking heavily.

Reading between the lines, it

seems the split was more his fault

than hers. Anyway, she married

again and had another son. But

then, about five years ago, Orianne

ditched the new guy and reunited

with Phil in a massive pile in

Miami together with the kids,

except not Lily Collins, the actress

getting the same treatment from

TV critics for Emily in Paris as

her dad’s Sussudio once garnered

elsewhere in the arts pages.

Phil said, “We realised we’d

made a mistake,” and that their

young sons “were like a dog with

two tails” (except he probably