The New York Times - USA (2020-11-15)

8 ST THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2020

I board my horse at a commercial stable. For

years, another boarder has reported me to man-

agement for breaking rules, like having my dog

off-leash, which many other boarders do. I suspect

she’s racist. I am one of only two nonwhite board-

ers, and she hasn’t reported anyone else. (Also,

my dog is a breed that many people incorrectly

assume is aggressive.) The barn manager re-

sponds to her complaints by accusing me of mis-

behavior instead of asking what happened. I’ve

always shrugged off these episodes. But recently I

had enough and told this boarder I would no long-

er tolerate her harassment. Then she complained

that I threatened her, which the manager believes!

How should I deal with this bullying?

ANIMAL LOVER

Let’s handle the easy stuff first.
Put your dog on a leash! When
we enter into arrangements with
businesses like stables or gyms,
we agree to abide by certain rules
to use the facilities. You aren’t.
Dogs and horses are unpredict-
able creatures, and there’s plenty
of data on dogs attacking horses

to support the stable’s leash rule.
When you’re in compliance
with the rules, you will also be in
a better position to assess possi-
ble racism there. If the leash rule

isn’t enforced against other
boarders, ask the manager (with
your leashed dog at your side):
“Why aren’t you requiring every-
one to use leashes?”

I sympathize with your suspi-
cion that you are being singled
out because of race. But so far, the
barn manager isn’t wrong. You
admit to breaking the rules. In the
law, there’s a principle called the
clean-hands doctrine: People who
aren’t in good faith or in compli-
ance with rules (and have sym-
bolically unclean hands) are not
entitled to ask for relief. Same

here: Follow the rules, then speak
up about uneven enforcement.

Shaken From the Family Tree

I am the family historian and am
updating our family history. This
includes the death of my niece’s
husband, an accomplished univer-
sity professor in his 30s and the
father of two young boys. We were
all devastated by this loss, espe-
cially my niece’s parents. So I was
shocked when my widowed niece

asked me emphatically not to
include anything about her late
husband in the family history. She
pressured another niece to ask me
to exclude him, too. I am a writer,
so this smells of censorship to me.
I am also concerned that my
grandnephews will someday see
my history and wonder why I
didn’t include their father. What

should I do?
ANONYMOUS

I can only assume that your niece
has strong personal reasons for
asking you to exclude her late
husband from your history. And I
would guess that you grasp this

too, or you would have simply
asked her why she wants you to
omit him. Let’s not speculate
about what those reasons may be.

Now, on to your writing prob-

lem: I respect the task you’ve set

for yourself. But your project will

largely be of interest to living

relatives. So, rather than brand

your niece’s request as censor-

ship, why not embrace the family

spirit of your history more fully

and prioritize your niece’s strong

feelings?

Constant Reference

A friend and former colleague has

been job hunting for over a year.

When she asked me to be a refer-

ence, I said yes without hesitation.

But now I have served as her

reference over and over again,

including for jobs she decided not

to pursue. (She’s financially se-

cure and unsure what she wants

to do.) My frustration is my

friend’s lack of acknowledgment.

Sometimes she lists me without

even telling me. Is there a nice

way to tell her I’m feeling used

and would like a gesture of kind-

ness?

FRIEND

Between us: You’re allowed to

feel underappreciated without

gilding the lily. In this year of

crushing job losses, I find it hard

to believe that your friend has

been a finalist for a multitude of

positions or that these reference

calls take longer than 10 or 15

minutes.

Still, your friend should, of

course, notify you and thank you

every time she lists you as a

reference. But gratitude that

comes by request is rarely satis-

fying. Tell her: “I’ve fielded sev-

eral reference calls already.

Please list me only if you are

seriously interested in the job and

make sure to tell me, OK?”

A Canvassing Connection

I worked with a team to get out

the vote in our recent elections.

On a series of group calls on

Zoom, I “met” a guy who seemed

interesting: smart, handsome and

funny. I don’t know whether he’s

single, though. Would it be OK for

me to ask him out on a date?

KATE

Why not? But take it a bit slower.

Rather than calling it a date, say:

“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you

on our calls. Any chance you’d be

interested in grabbing a coffee

sometime?” If he says yes, meet

up and get to know each other

better (particularly whether he’s

single).

First, Follow the Rules

Social Q’s PHILIP GALANES

. ...................................................................
For help with your awkward situation,
send a question to SocialQ@nytimes
.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook
or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

On election night, Hasan Piker, 29, was
dressed in a navy blue “Bernie 2020” sweat-
shirt and a “Democracy Now!” baseball hat
when he plopped down in a chair to address
his digital audience.
“I told you guys like a hundred times that
places in the Rust Belt have a lot of mail-in
ballots they’re not counting immediately,”
he said. “What you’re seeing right now is in-
complete data!” The words that followed
were peppered with expletives.
Since then, Mr. Piker, a progressive politi-
cal commentator known for his frenetic on-
screen presence, has been the most-

watched streamer on Twitch. On Election

Day and the week that followed, he spent

more than 80 hours in front of his camera,

with tons of tabs open on his computer,

reading out news and providing analysis for

his left-leaning millennial and Gen Z follow-

ers. Many say they find his candid, slightly

chaotic style more relatable than that of but-

toned-up cable news anchors.

“People came to me because they wanted

to hear a point of view — and maybe not a

manicured point of view either, but an hon-

est point of view,” Mr. Piker said.

Twitch, a platform known for broadcast-

ing video game play, has become a lively po-

litical space in recent months. This summer,

activists and organizers streamed Black

Lives Matter marches and sit-ins for racial

equality. “Just chatting” streams, where

people offer monologues or host discus-

sions, oftentimes about politics, have also

grown in popularity. In June, The New York

Times reported that Twitch had “trans-

formed into an unexpected hub of social ac-

tivism.”

The recent interest in political content

has been a boon for Mr. Piker.

Born in New Jersey and raised in Turkey,

Mr. Piker graduated from Rutgers Univer-

sity in 2013, with a double major in commu-

nications and political science, and took a

job working for his uncle, Cenk Uygur, a

founder of “The Young Turks,” a progres-

sive online news and commentary pro-

gram.

He started off doing ad sales and busi-

ness development for the program, but

eventually wanted to make something of

his own. In 2016, Mr. Piker pitched the idea

for “The Breakdown,” a “Young Turks” vid-

eo series on Facebook that would deliver

political analysis for a left-leaning audi-

ence. His sharp criticisms of the commen-

tator Tomi Lahren and President Trump’s

immigration ban proved to be a hit. Before

long, Mr. Piker had gained fame as Face-

book’s resident “woke bae,” a title he said

he resented.

But by 2018, Mr. Piker was experiencing

diminishing returns on Facebook, and see-

ing the rise of right-wing news dominance

Political Commentator

Streams to the Top

Hasan Piker’s rise on the

Twitch platform comes amid

hours of election coverage.

By TAYLOR LORENZ