202 ❯ STEP 5. Build Your Test-Taking Confidence
345To be happy is one thing, but to buy happiness is something completely different.
Yet, Americans have fallen into the trap of widespread consumerism. O’Neill states
that “we have based . . . our entire culture . . . on the belief that ‘just a little bit more’
will finally buy happiness” (Source E). He, then, continues on to provide statistics
showing that “93% of teenage girls list shopping as their favorite pastime.” It is a sad
reality that what we have is never good enough; that, hopefully, a new pair of shoes
will bring happiness for at least a day or two. America’s future, its youth, are the ones
with the most serious infection of affluenza, and as time ticks on that infection only
continues to grow.
Happiness has been a goal of America since its creation, The Declaration of
Independence states that Americans have the “unalienable” rights: life, liberty, and the
pursuit of happiness (Source B). Although we continue to pursue happiness, American’s
idea of happiness has taken a drastic turn. Our idea of happiness in today’s standards is
to be rich, and have anything and everything we want. Our days are consumed with the
prospect of reaching happiness. Money is what drives us to work extra hours, but what
will that money buy us? Not happiness, but simply objects—objects that may bring us
happiness for a day or so, but will never satisfy us in the long run.
America’s affluenza infection has become a widespread epidemic. Society has become
infatuated with purchases and gifts in hopes of finding happiness. Americans are truly
never satisfied with what they have. As America continues to buy, the affluenza only
roots itself deeper into our society and into our future.Rating the Student Essays: Affluenza
Student A
This is a high-range essay for the following reasons:- The essay opens dramatically, immediately catching the reader’s attention. It creatively
defines the term and implies the argument to follow. - The writer establishes a tone and voice through diction and allusion: shout, tweaked,
Bergdorf, and eBay. - The writer illustrates the argument by presenting an extended analogy.
- Following a rhetorical question that serves as a transitional device, the writer adeptly
incorporates and comments on one of the sources. - Personal examples and strong details and images continue to support and develop the
writer’s position. - The writer employs proper citation guidelines.
- The conclusion is especially effective because it enforces the opening, leaves the reader
with the essence of the argument, and presents the writer’s thesis as a parting comment.
Student B
This is a mid-range essay for the following reasons:- The writer states a position on Americans being afflicted with affluenza: “The claim
that Americans are never satisfied holds much validity and gains more validity as the
economy continues to flourish.” - The writer recognizes and addresses the demands of the prompt.