240 ❯ STEP 5. Build Your Test-Taking Confidence
Rating Student Sample A
This is a high-ranking essay for the following reasons:- Effectively presents and discusses the purpose and intent of each passage (end of para-
graph 2), (end of paragraph 3) - Thoroughly addresses the stylistic differences between the two pieces (paragraph 2),
(paragraph 3) - Strongly supports his or her position with appropriate details from the passage (para-
graphs 2 and 3) - Well-focused throughout
- Mature voice and clear style
This high-ranked essay that is both informative and direct is so well-focused that the
reader can almost see the writer’s mind at work. And, as a result, the audience comes away
with a clear understanding of the differences between the style and purpose of the two
excerpts.
Rating Student Sample B
This is a mid-range essay for the following reasons:- Clearly indicates an understanding and an application of the prompt (paragraph 1)
- Good control of sentence structure
234The first passage is something one would find in an encyclopedia. It first gives an
explanation of why there is so much fog in London. It then goes on to give exact dates
and amounts of fog in London. Goodwin gives the reader details and statistics to illustrate
the continuing problems related to fog. He connects the effects from 1879 to 1962. For
example, in 1936 nearly 30,000 tons of matter were deposited on London. Towards the
end of the passage Goodwin uses chronological organization to discuss the last of the great
London fogs. This is a detached conclusion to a purely objective piece of writing.
The second passage is extremely different from the first passage. Charles Dickens
gives an impressionistic description of the London fog. His repetition of the word “fog”
makes an imprint on the reader’s mind. Dickens also uses parallel structure, beginning
almost every sentence or clause with “fog.” This constantly reminds the reader that Dickens
is describing fog, which is everywhere. Dickens also personifies the fog, writing that it is
“cruelly pinching the toes and fingers of his shivering little ’prentice boy.” Dickens makes
it seem more menacing and powerful. He also uses an analogy towards the end of the
passage, saying that the people feel “as if they were up in a balloon, and hanging in the
misty clouds.” Because the fog is everywhere, there is no distinction between earth and sky.
This gives the reader a lasting impression on how the fog is omnipresent.
Selection One and Selection Two are two very different passages with two very
different purposes. Each passage is well suited for its purpose; the first is straightforward
and explanatory, while the second evokes emotions and feelings.