452 McGRAW-HILL’S SAT
Use Natural Language These nouns are all impersonalandabstract,so they
are hard to relate to. Personal nounsrefer to the
things in your readers’ common experience, things
that they personally understand. Concrete nouns refer
to things that can be seen, heard, smelled, tasted,or
touched.Of course, if you are talking about ideas, you
will need to use abstract nouns, but don’t use any
more than are necessary. Not many people can keep
track of 18 abstract and impersonal nouns in a single
sentence. Here’s a good revision:
Some peoplehave left out relevant factsin this
discussion, and have therefore minimized how
much peoplesupport free expressionand maxi-
mized how much peoplewant to eliminate offen-
sive speech. Theyhave also ignored or obscured
the crazy and illogical argumentsagainst offen-
sive speech. In fact, the majority of Americans
support free expression, and regard it as a moral
necessity.
Without question, this conveys the author’s ideas
much more clearly and effectively.
Lesson 8: Write Clearly
Good writing follows more rules than conver-
sational speech does, but this doesn’t mean
that good writing is stiff and unnatural. Con-
voluted and abstract language doesn’t make
“better” writing. Although you should avoid
wordiness and egregious grammatical errors,
natural language is always better than overly
formal language.Minimize abstract and impersonal nouns.
When they pile up, your thoughts become hard
to follow.Jargonsuch as win-win scenario, thinking
outside the box, bulletizing the issues, targeting
a goal, bottom line, downside, facilitate, prior-
itize, optimize, time frame, mutually beneficial,
parameter, utilize,etc.annoys good readers,
particularly when simpler, more common
words suffice.This sentence is far too stiff and unnatural:
An individual person’s lack of tolerance and
inability to appreciate and even enjoy different
aspects in other individuals is a concept that
negatively affects the ability of a community to
avoid hatred and establish the environment in
which we would like to bring our children up.
It is much more effective when phrased more nat-
urally and concisely:
We create a much more peaceful society when
we learn to appreciate the differences in others.Use Personal and Concrete Nouns
Is the following sentence easy to understand?
My concerns in general center on numerous
omissions of relevant facts and quotes, which
had the effect of diminishing the extent of the ap-
parent support of free expression, and the force of
the moral arguments for free expression, and of
enhancing the support of those who are vigilant
against dangerous speech, and obscuring the
more extreme arguments made on their behalf.No. Why not? Just look at the nouns:
My concerns in general center on numerous
omissionsof relevant factsand quotes, which
had the effectof diminishingthe extentof the ap-
parent supportof free expression, and the forceof
the moral argumentsfor free expression, and of
enhancingthe supportof those who are vigilant
against dangerous speech, and obscuringthe
more extreme argumentsmade on their behalf.Eliminate JargonJargony: If we think outside the box and prior-
itize our concerns, I’m sure we can
facilitate a win-win scenario for all
parties.
Better: If we think creatively and set our pri-
orities, I’m sure we can find a solution
that everyone will like.