Revising / 39that, I really like pigeons. In fact, we used to raise pigeons when I was a child. Some of them
are quite beautiful, not only because of their colors but also because of the ruffs around their
necks or the long feathers along their legs. Of course, these are special breeds. Other special
breeds are racing pigeons and those that fly in groups called kits, tumbling and diving to the
spectators’ delight.Revised to Maintain Unity
Nearly every community tries to combat the problems pigeons create. While docile pigeons pro-
vide enjoyment for those who like to feed them peanuts and popcorn, they also create a health
hazard where they most frequently roost. In addition, they deface buildings, monuments, and
other public and private properties. To alleviate the problems, some communities erect wire bar-
riers around the pigeons’ favorite roosting places. Nearly invisible, the wire tends to be the least
offensive relief measure. Other communities try various noisemakers to scare the birds from their
roosts. Sirens, clappers, gunshots, and mild explosions send pigeons on their way. Of course,
the noise disturbs human residents as well, so to some the solution seems more unpleasant
than the problem. With either means of combating the problem, however, the pigeons simply
move elsewhere. As a result, the problem does not go away; it merely relocates.ANALYSIS of THE SAMPLE REVISIoN foR UNITY
The revised paragraph maintains unity throughout. Note how this happens:
• Every sentence directly supports the subject named in the topic sentence:
combating problems pigeons create.
• To establish the link between each sentence and the topic sentence, the revised
paragraph uses transitions such as while, also, in addition, of course, and so on.
• Repetition of key words or their synonyms, as well as pronouns that refer to
those key words, clearly indicate unity: problem, solution, it, pigeons, they, their.No extraneous details detract from the topic of combating problems pigeons create.
SAMPLE REVISIoN foR TRANSITIoN
Transitions are words, phrases, clauses, and sentences that connect ideas. Tran-
sitions help the reader understand relationships such as time, space, addition,
emphasis, example, comparison-and-contrast, and cause-and-effect. For instance,
consequently shows effect, on the other hand shows contrast, eventually shows time,
and in fact shows emphasis.
Sometimes transitions appear as whole sentences. In that case, they connect major
ideas between paragraphs in a long paper.
Finally, transitions can be entire paragraphs. In a long paper, such as a research
paper, a transition paragraph connects ideas between major points. While a single
major point may be supported by several paragraphs, a transition paragraph helps