44 / Basics of Good Writing
ANALYSIS of THE SAMPLE REVISIoN foR EMPHASIS
The preceding revision illustrates a number of revision techniques, all of which
enhance emphasis. Note these particulars:
• Main ideas appear in main clauses. For instance, in the original passage, the
first sentence swallowed the main idea in a subordinate clause, that real writing
takes place. In the revision, the main idea appears in the main clause, the really
tough part of writing takes place. [For explanations about main clauses and
subordinate clauses, see Chapter 44, Phrases and Clauses.]
• Subordinate ideas appear in subordinate positions. In the first sentence, for
instance, the phrase during the process of revising appears as an introductory
prepositional phrase that functions as an adverb. The modifier merely places a
time limit on the main clause, further emphasizing tough part.
• The most important words, words that need emphasis, appear at the ends of
sentences. Note the emphasis on making changes, good paper, and revising.
• Parallel series add emphasis to the concept of revising. Three parallel sentences
begin with the word revision. Each sentence, however, emphasizes a different
part of revision. The first says revision adds; the second says revision eliminates;
the third says revision polishes, hones, and perfects.
• Eliminating linking verbs strengthens sentences. In the original passage, all
sentences but the last include a linking verb; the revision eliminates them.
• Even though the second passage carries a stronger message, it is nearly the
same length as the original.Using these revision techniques should help you polish your own compositions. You
can find additional suggestions for revising in Parts II and III. The above sugges-
tions, however, give you a good set of guidelines for thorough and effective revision.