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8 4 The American Civil War^reality of noise, smoke, confusion,
dismemberment, and death. Many green
troops feared cowardice above all else,
certain that word of faintheartedness in the
face of the enemy would reach home. Men
described a range of emotions and physical
reactions as they braced for action. Some
thought of loved ones; others experienced a
surge of hatred towards their foe. Mouths
grew dry, hearts pounded, arms and legs felt
weak. Some men confessed to losing control
of their bowels or involuntarily urinating.
Most stood the test, though a good number
inevitably ran or sought shelter.
Battle and its grisly aftermath set soldiers
apart from civilians. During the Seven Days
battles, a Texan who participated in the
Confederate attacks at Gaines's Mill wrote, 'I
never had a clear conception of the horrors
of war untill that night and the [next]
morning. On going round on that battlefield
with a candle searching for my friends I
could hear on all sides the dreadful groans of
the wounded and their heart piercing cries
for water and assistance. Friends and foes all
together.' The 'awful scene' made him wish
never to 'see any more such in life' and left
him 'heartily sick of soldiering.' Many
veterans developed a callousness readily
apparent in their comments about scenes
that would have horrified them earlier in the
war. After the Battle of Antietam, one
unusually hardened Federal affirmed that he
did not 'mind the sight of dead men no
more than if they was dead Hogs.' Another
Union soldier groping to describe the
carnage at Antietam revealed the inability of
veterans to explain something civilians could
never grasp. 'No tongue can tell,' he wrote,
'no mind conceive, no pen portray the
horrible sights I witnessed this morning.'
Although desertion rates exceeded 10
percent in both armies and every unit had its
share of malingerers and cowards, most
common soldiers served honorably. They
adjusted to their world of boredom in camp
and terror on the battlefield, of capricious
disease and the possibility of agonizing
wounds. They forged a record that did credit
to them and illuminated the degree to which
they saw the conflict as a contest over
important issues.Salem Church, showing damage to its brick exterior from
the fighting at Chancellorsville. Apart from its use as a
hospital in May 1863, this Baptist church, which served a
congregation organized in the 1840s, had also welcomed
refugees from the Battle of Fredericksburg. A woman
who visited the church in mid-December 1862 saw
'several hundred refugees,' some of whom sought rest in
'the cold, bare church.' (Author's collection)