PARTINGSHOTS
138 AUGUST 2019|COMPUTER SHOPPER|ISSUE 378
Zygote
Zygotehasanimportant messagefor theworld.Unfortunately,BTisbroadcastingit,
sotheworld willjusthavetowait forthe systemtoreboot beforereceivingit
something of asurprise when
detailed screenshots of the
Violence Matrix appeared all over
Snapchat and other social media.
According to the Information
Commissioner’s Oɘce ̣ICO̧,
these ͓multiple and serious͕
database breaches have been
traced to oɘces at Newham
Council, and theyinclude
date-tagged identities,
addresses, ethnicity,mugshots,
nicknames, firearms offences,
knifecrimes and alleged
associations with named gangs.
This is very bad, but even
worse is the fact that rival gang
members have gained access to
the leaked data. The ICO has also
declared that the risks ͓should
have been obvious͕,and that
the number of identities leaked
from the Gangs Violence Matrix
runs intothe hundreds.
FRENCH KISS
C’est très biento see the French
have taken alead when it comes
to spotting offensive and illegal
content on the web.According to
the EU Internet Ěeferral Unit,
service providers in France are
now legally obliged to remove
material that has been reported
by concerned citizens as terrorist
content. What’s more,theyhave
to take it down within the hour,
which is great news.
And in case you’re wondering
what sort of disgusting and
dangerous material has already
been reported, Zygotecan reveal
that the list of horrors includes
Alice in Wonderland,the greatest
hits of The Grateful Dead and
The Tale of PeterRabbit.
So we can all sleep easier in
our beds as aresult,n’est-ce pas͇
CHIC CARGO
CarιGo is avery popular
smartphone app fordrivers in
the Chicago area. Very popular
with crooks, that is.
The original idea was to click
on the app,prove your identity
and rent aluxury Mercedes Benz
by the hour.But as it turns out in
practice,organised gangs have
used fake credit card details to
register as users, and so faras
many as 100 high-end Mercs
have gone missing.
The developers, Share Now,
have objected to media reports
that their app has been ‘hacked’,
insisting that no legitimate
customer data has been
compromised. What has
actually happened is farmore
enterprising, which is that most
of the missing limos have been
used as getawayvehicles in a
city-wide crime spree.Sothat’s
all right, then.
PING PONG
It’s oɘcial, computer games
players stink. Agame called
Yu-Gi-Oh is one of the highest-
grossing media franchises of all
time,with legions of players
battling forhours in stadium
tournaments. The problem is
that many of these fans are too
engrossed in their lengthy and
frantic gameplaytobother with
personal hygiene.
Which is why the oɘcial
Yu-Gi-Oh tournament rules have
just been updated to include
some timely advice,asfollows:
͓You are expected to be clean
when you enter the tournament.
Neglecting to wash contributes
to an unpleasant atmosphere at
the event, as the tournament can
be crowded and the daycan be
long. Persons who neglect
self-care to the point that they
are negatively impacting the
tournament will be asked to
correct the issue.͕
»ust to make sure there is
no misunderstanding, the rules
also state, ͓If you or your
clothing is bad-smelling, you
can be penalised.͕
Not wanting to miss out on
any opportunity to make even
more moneyfrom their players,
the game owners have released
their own branded soap,shower
gel and deodorant, originally
costing ȗ10. But fans have now
taken to trading ‘rare’editions of
these snappily titled Yu-Gi-Oh
Dirt-Dueller packs at up to five
times their face value.Which is
not to be sniffed at.
SUCKERS
Armed police were called to a
reported burglary near Portland,
Oregon, after amystery intruder
was heard breathing heavily
and ransacking abathroom.
With guns drawn and an attack
dog straining at the leash, the
cops broke down the door to
arrest the culprit, which turned
out to be aĚoomba intelligent
vacuum cleaner.
Zygotesuspects the robot
was simply emulating human
behaviour,and wanted to score
some Angel Dust and feed its
addiction to snorting the white
powder known as Shake n’ Vac.
TOWER OF POWER
Since the dawn of the Age of
Electricity,landmark buildings
have been used as aplatform to
displayimportant illuminated
messages. Forexample,when in
London, Zygotealways takes
notice of the giant lettering
beamed by red lamps from the
topofthe BT Tower,knowing
that whatever is displayed must
be of vital importance in terms
of essential public information,
as well as being indicative of
BT’s own priorities.
Which is why Zygoteis
duty-bound to report the
following message beamed from
the BT Tower over our capital
from the summit of its enormous
erection, as follows: ͓Choose
operating system to start or
press TABtoselect atool, use
arrow keys to highlight your
choice and then press ENTEĚ.͕
Presumably this can only
refertoBT’s corporatestatus
regarding Brexit, and as such is
an important lesson to us all.
GANGWAY
The Gangs Violence Matrix is a
confidential database set up by
Her Majesty’s Metropolitan
Police force.Aswell as holding
comprehensive details about
convicted felons, it also ranks an
individual’s likelihood of being
involved in future gang-related
violence.Soitcame as
