Eulogies (^257)
The speech itself should be short but well planned following a few general
guidelines:
• If people are unaware of your relationship with the honoree, briefly state it, but keep
self-references short; the occasion is not about you.
• State the honoree’s name at the beginning and the end of the speech.
• Give reminiscences that show your goodwill for the guest of honor such as how you
met or personal traits you appreciate. Avoid embarrassing stories or inside jokes.
• Be brief.
• End with sincere best wishes.
Toasts are common in many cultures. In fact, the Internet gives you phrases to
express goodwill wishes in languages from Albanian to Zulu.
Eulogies
Eulogies are perhaps the most difficult speeches to give because they commemorate
someone who has died. Don’t try to summarize the person’s entire life; instead, high-
light a few things that celebrate the person’s personality and virtues and then share your
feelings and experiences to comfort other mourners. For example, here are some lines
from Jonah Goldberg’s eulogy for his father:^8
I think it would be a mistake to think my dad’s wisdom and his humor were different
facets of his personality. For him, “humor” and “wisdom” were different words for
the same thing. After all, a sense of humor is merely the ability to see connections
between things we haven’t noticed before (while laughter is what we do when we real-
ize that those connections should have been obvious all along). Is wisdom really such
a different thing?
Maybe it is, but it never really seemed to be in my dad.
Call it wisdom or humor, my dad saw the world through different lenses.... [W]hat
was obvious for my dad was often insightful, profound, or hilarious to the rest of
us. And, conversely, what was obvious to most people could be a complete mystery
to him. To call my dad “handy” or overly burdened with street smarts would be a
stretch.
Here are some guidelines for preparing a eulogy:
• Keep in mind your goal, which is to appropriately celebrate the deceased person’s life
by focusing on positive, memorable characteristics and accomplishments.
• If you’re the only one giving a eulogy, consult family members and friends for insights
and examples that capture essential characteristics or positive traits. You might ask
what information the family prefers you not mention.
• Draw from your memories, and share appropriate feelings and experiences.
• Humor, used sensitively, can be appropriate and comforting.
• Consider using the wave pattern and organize your eulogy around a repeated theme
like “Harry was an honest, honorable man... ” or “John was a devoted friend... ” or
“Molly had enough energy for three people... ” Support each crest of the wave with
an example.
• Lines from poetry or the deceased’s favorite lyrics often work well.
• Don’t worry about delivery. If you break down or otherwise show emotion, your
audience will be sympathetic. If you fear you’ll lose control, write out and read your
eulogy, or arrange beforehand with the person officiating to take over if you simply
cannot continue. (For an example of appropriate emotion in a eulogy, watch Cher’sCopyright 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
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