Acquisitions Incorporated

8

measured responses that are historically off-brand.) And

that expansion means new franchises. The fir st step

was Ravnica, a city run by guilds and simply overflowing

at the practicability of acquisition for hire. But beyond

that? Infinite possibilities. Because wherever people

want things they don't currently have. Acquisitions In-

corporated will be there, asking them to sign.

FAST FRANCHISE

GENERATOR

No time to read the whole book? Who can blame you!

(What is this thing, like 200 pages? Yikes.) To get a taste

of the awesomeness that is an Acquisitions Incorporated

franchise, just roll up any number of critical franchise

elements from the tables on this page. (DMs can also do

this if t hey want to shirk the work of creating rival fran-

chises from whole cloth. Slackers.)

FRANCHISE LOGOS OR LIVERY

dlO

2 3 4 s 6 7 8 9

10

Logo or Livery

The words "Green Flan" in Elvish

The symbol of Asmodeus

The name of the franchise's dead founder, elaborately

engraved

A beholder's central eye

The silhouette of a catoblepas

Three werewolves howling at the moon

"Lathander is Our Copilot"

A winking Jim Darkmagic

A snaking piece of barbed wire

The franchise's business number

HEADQUARTERS LOCATIONS

dlO Headquarters

A tavern once owned by smugglers. Tunnel entrances

have clearly been bricked over, and no one's quite

sure where they all lead.

2 A simple chapel to a lo ng-forgotten god. The pews

are awfully uncomfortable, but fragrant incense

burns without ceasing.

3 A battle-worn castle. A real fixer-upper, it's seen bet-

ter days. Better years. Maybe even better centuries.

4 A top-of-the-line naval vessel that has somehow been

stranded miles inland.

5 A private library. The franchise is free to use the

space as long as no harm comes to the books.

6 A hollowed-out statue of an ancient king.

7 An early model airship. Very early. The balloon is

mostly patches at this point-a motley assortment of

ship sails, cloaks, and animal skins.

8 A former blacksmith's shop, which was a former exer·

cise studio, and a former cafe before that.

9 A multicolor waterproof canvas stretched over a suc·

cession of jutting stone columns. Within, it always

appears to be late spring.

10 A creaking wagon that smells of turnips, and which is

bigger inside than out.

CHAPTER I I ACQUISITIO:-<S INCORPORATED

HEADQUARTERS QUIRKS

d8 Quirk

One staircase leads to two different places somehow.

2 Any kettle used in the kitchen screams when it boils.

3 Every chair has one leg slightly shorter than the oth-

ers.

4 Every stairwell has an illusion of one additional step

at the top.

5 There's a nest in the attic. A big nest. Like, really big.

6 Every Friday, the color of the walls changes to a differ·

ent festive theme.

7 The building was previously owned by a franchise

rival, and the place is filled with their marketing ma-

terials.

8 There's a space inside the headquarters that's clearly

a room, but which has no doors.

MEMORABLE MAJORDOMOS

d6 Majordomo

A consummate professional. No amount of blood,

gore, or viscera will keep them from completing their

duties.

2 A sinister figure who sticks to the shadows and re·

spond always to requests with, "Yes, master."

3 The ghost of the previous owner. They do a terrible

job and refer to all prospective clients as trespassers.

4 A brusque, deaf, retired military captain.

S An incredibly cheerful chef, who insists that no busi·

ness is more pressing than a full belly.

6 A druid that keeps an open door policy for any and all

animals seeking shelter. Their cleaning policy is less

rigorous.

RELIABLE CONNECTIONS

d8 Connection

Kim the Kid: The best fence in town.

2 Jeremy Snoot: The most easily Intimidated customs

official in the city. From blueprints of government

buildings to shipping manifests, he's your halfling.

3 York Battleby: A dab hand at knitting and swinging a

sword. He takes payment in liquor for either service.

4 Diana Fenwick: Noble who wants to play criminal;

enthusiastic, inexperienced, and loaded.

5 "G": The only thing known about this information

broker is the dead-drop point where they exchange

messages, and that they're never wrong.

6 Teresa Clearlake: If you're looking for a place to lie

low, her funeral home is ideal.

7 Jenkin Twotooth: Always has a job for those looking to

scrape together a few coins. Unfortunately, his teeth

outnumber his scruples.

8 " Mustard" Micah: Famous for being able to get goods

and people past any blockade. Provided you don't

mind said goods or people smelling strongly of mus·

tard for the next month.