I flinched violently away from him. “To drag me down too!”
He kept looking vaguely over my face. “To get hold of you, so I wouldn’t fall off.”
“Yes, naturally.” I was fighting for air in this close room. “I tried, you remember? I reached out
but you were gone, you went down through those little branches underneath, and when I reached
out there was only air.”
“I just remember looking at your face for a second. Awfully funny expression you had. Very
shocked, like you have right now.”
“Right now? Well, of course, I am shocked. Who wouldn’t be shocked, for God sakes. It’s
terrible, everything’s terrible.”
“But I don’t see why you should look so personally shocked. You look like it happened to you or
something.”
“It’s almost like it did! I was right there, right on the limb beside you.”
“Yes, I know. I remember it all.”
There was a hard block of silence, and then I said quietly, as though my words might detonate
the room, “Do you remember what made you fall?”
His eyes continued their roaming across my face. “I don’t know, I must have just lost my
balance. It must have been that I did have this idea, this feeling that when you were standing
there beside me, y—I don’t know, I had a kind of feeling. But you can’t say anything for sure
from just feelings. And this feeling doesn’t make any sense. It was a crazy idea, I must have been
delirious. So I just have to forget it. I just fell,” he turned away to grope for something among the
pillows, “that’s all.” Then he glanced back at me, Tm sorry about that feeling I had.”
I couldn’t say anything to this sincere, drugged apology for having suspected the truth. He was
never going to accuse me. It was only a feeling he had, and at this moment he must have been
formulating a new commandment in his personal decalogue. Never accuse a friend of a crime if
you only have a feeling he did it.
And I thought we were competitors! It was so ludicrous I wanted to cry.
If Phineas had been sitting here in this pool of guilt, how would he have felt, what would he have
done?
He would have told me the truth.
I got up so suddenly that the chair overturned. I stared at him in amazement, and he stared back,
his mouth breaking into a grin as the moments passed. “Well,” he said at last in his friendly
knowing voice, “what are you going to do, hypnotize me?”