24 newyork| february1–14, 2021
►AttheendofFebruary,oneofmy patients,shewasvery sick.Theysaid,“She’s got
a respiratoryvirus.” Theyclosedthewholeunitbecausethey didn’t wantthevirus to
spread.My dadwasscheduledtohavecancersurgeryat theendofMarch.IfI got sick,
I’mgoingtoexposehim,andthat can’t behappening.I wasabletogeteightweeks of
paidfamilyleave.Afterthat,I leftthejob,andI’vebeenhomesincethen.My husband
isthemainearnerinthehouse,sowe’reokay.I’ll tellyouthetruth,I feltguilt. I knew
thatmy co-workersweregoingthroughhellat work.I feltI waslettingdownmy team.
Now,my dad’s healthissueshavekeptmebusy. Beinga caregiver, a lotofpeople might
notthinkit’s essentiallike a nurseora policeman,butwe’reessentialtotheirlife.FAITHRASHID
57 , OysterBay,NewYork,occupational
therapist,motherof an adultchildnotgettingany ofhisservicesbecausewe
don’t havethesameincomecomingin.
Still,inGeorgia,wetechnicallymake too
muchmoney toqualify forstatebenefits.
KALPANA PATEL, 43, Tampa, HR consultant,
mother of five girls ages 8 to 14► in 2015, i started an HR consulting
company.But withthepandemic,my
daughters had to do homeschooling. The
oldest two were capable of getting things
on their own, but the younger three needed
support. So I ended up having to let go of
my clients.
Everyone has different needs and differ-
ent moods, and a lot of them are having
hormonalchanges.Youcanimaginea
bunch of girls in the house with just emo-
tions all over the place. When school was
virtual, they started at 7:45 a.m. with mul-
tiple breaks—which meant they constantly
came down from their rooms and needed
something. “This doesn’t work,” or “How
do you do this?” It was chaotic. It literally
feels like I’m this on-demand maid, cook,
and laundry person. My husband and I, we
don’t have time for each other. In the
18 years we’ve been together, I think we’ve
fought the most over these past ten months.
Thehardest day waswhenoneofmy
9-year-old twins had a moment. My hus-
band was on a call with a client. At one
point, the client was like, “Do youwant to
go? Is everything okay? All we hear is some
screaming in the background.” My husband
came out, and for the first time ever—he’s
not a yeller—he yelled at the top of his lungsather, “Youneedtocalmdown, I’m on a
conference call with a client. This is very
important.” I can still see his face. She was
crying and screaming, and I was trying to
get her upstairs into her room to contain
that. She wouldn’t budge.
I broke down. I cried in the laundry room
for a while because that’s my only space
where I can shut the door and lock it and be
like, “Don’t come in.” Then I came out, and
I said, “All right. Everybody needs to sit
down. I’m calling a family meeting.”
That conversation helped. Now I’m like,
“Youcandoit—there’s nowrongway to do
the laundry. I don’t really care if you mix
the colors. What’s the worst that’s going to
happen? I’m not going to be picky. I’m not
going to yell. Load the dishwasher how-
ever you want; run it on a half-load if you
have to. I don’t really care. Just do it.” I do
miss working.Photograph by Elinor Carucci