february1–14, 2021 | newyork 27Eavesdroppingonamoms’
grouptext.WORDS WITH
FRIENDSI feel like other than never asking
if theycanhelp, theleasthelpful
th ing a man can do is ask what
you need help withNo. It turns out exercising at
6:15p.m. when I’m trying to cook
di nner and help with homework
an d get the twins ready for bed
re ally isn’t a good time for youto
ex ercise.Is that just me?Every timeYESSSSSAnd also: I’m like, why amI
th e captain of this ship? You
sh ould know how to steeras
well! [Husband] loves to say
“I ’m here to help you” andhe
means it lovingly but I’mjust
li ke, NO! You “helping”
implies that the tasks areall
mi ne and you are just a
support system.It makes me want to scream
USE YOUR GD BRAIN AND
EYEBALLSHow do I get to beskipperfor
once?How does one communicate
that without a death stare?to see the number of women who have
taken a crappy situation and said, “Screw
it. I’m going to do my own thing.”JENNIFER DAVIS, 37, Bethesda, Maryland,
catering and
special-events director► when our governor did the stay-at-
home order, our restaurant was one of the
only ones that closed completely and didn’t
do takeout for the first month. Once they
decided to open back up, it was a flat rate,
like 50 bucks a day to come in and run their
restaurant. They didn’t have any safety
measures in place. It was a no-brainer.
I immediately started babysitting my
niece and nephews, and my sister would
pay me. It’s been so fun. You know, the
food-service industry is one of those where
you kind of have to be there all the time, so
I missed birthday parties and trips and
bridal showers. Weirdly, this whole time
has given me the ability to spend more
time with the people I love.
I’ve been applying for jobs since March
18 actively. Either I get no response or
I had somebody set up a Zoom call once
and just never show up. This is month,
what, ten for me? And that was the first
person that was interested in having a con-
versation. I called my mom and burst into
tears, like, “What am I going to do?” I know
it sounds silly, but I was like, “I’m going to
be unemployed forever.”
My worst-case scenario is I don’t find a
job before unemployment runs out. If
I can’t go back to this type of work, I feel like
I lose 20 years of experience and have to
come in somewhere as entry level. That’s
crazy to me. I’m way closer to having to take
an entry-level job in a field I’ve never
worked in than I am to getting back to
where I was. For one, female managers in
restaurants and bars are not very common.
Typically, a male is promoted within, or
they’ll bring in a man from outside. And
the man is always paid more, regardless of
experience. I do know of restaurants where
the male managers were asked to come
back and the female ones were not. Every
place I know of that had a choice between
a male and a female manager brought back
the male, regardless of quality of work.BETHANY FAUTEUX, 37, New Bedford,
Massachusetts, line cook,
mother of two children ages 7 and 13► everything feels like it’s on shaky
ground. I went from 40 or so hours a week
ofworktojust tenhours.I’ma single mom,
and my 7-year-old son is doinghybrid
learning, so he’s not online only two days a
week. My mom used to be ableto help
watch the kids, but a month into that, her
health declined, so I have to take care of her,
too. I have to take her to the hospital some-
times, and it’s getting to be a lot.
I feel like I’m just a letdown at work be-
cause I can’t commit to shifts. I don’t know
when the school or hospital will calland I’ll
have to leave mid-shift. I’m currently at a
point where I might have to leavemy job
completely. If I quit, I don’t knowif I’ll be
welcomed back. I feel like I’m failing at
everything I’m trying to do. Being aparent
during all of this, being a good worker,
being a good daughter—I’m trying my
best, but I feel like I’m failing.
KYLE HOLLINGSWORTH, 54,
Woodland Hills, California, a creativedirector
for a Fox Sports division► i woke up that morning justexpect-
ing a checkup call. As soon as I heard “This
is your last day,” I thought I was going to
throw up. The primary feeling was just
shock, which is funny because I knew the
pandemic was affecting everyone.When it
decides to personally come home to you, it
wakes you up really starkly.
There were some days when I was filled
with fear. I wasn’t entirely certain whether
I was hirable in industries outside of
sports. That had me feeling unsure about
how to shape my résumé. By the time
I would see a post, there were already
250 applicants. I made a decision to use
the time off to revamp my website,revamp
my résumé, and launch an art business.
That’s the thing I’m actually delighted by—
Amen