Onecoupleonhowtheydecidedshe
shouldleaveherjob.ERINROSE,38,paralegal,andJESSEROSE,41,
order-fulfillmentspecialist,Manchester,
New Hampshire,parentsof twoboysages
11 monthsand5 years►ERIN:In July 20 19,I startedworkingasa
paralegalforthepublicdefender’soffice.
I criedwhenI foundoutI gotthejob.It
waswhat I hadwantedtodomy entirelife.
I foundoutI waspregnantagaininOcto-
ber 20 19.WhileI wasonmaternityleave,
covidhit.Whenmy olderson’s day care
closed,I wasoutforanother 12 weeks.And
then my employer toldme, basically,
“Comebacktoworknow, orwe’regoingto
fireyou.” I didandwasabletofindfull-
timeday careforbothofmy sons.Thenteaching our older son remotely and staying
home with the baby.
ERIN: Of the two of us, I’m more patient.
My son is your typical 5-year-old: He’s off
the walls. The youngest one is just learning
to be mobile, and he goes everywhere. It’s a
lot chasing them around all day. I’m able to
deal without being totally frustrated and
angry all day. Not that Jesse would be, but
I just think I’m better at it. I didn’t mean to
say he wasn’t capable with the kids. But he
just gets more frustrated when both of them
are crying or whatever. I think that’s the
case with most men.
JESSE: She’s definitely more patient with
the kids. I don’t want to say I would just tol-
erate being around the kids—I would do the
best I could. But I definitely feel like I need
to provide. It’s kind of old-school; the wife
stays home with the kids, and the husband
provides for the family. But I got laid off
from my warehouse job in October.
ERIN: Thankfully, Jesse got another job in
December. But it took months to receive
any of his unemployment checks for when
he was out of work. We were surviving off
$200 a week until he got back pay and
started getting paid in his new job. Before
Christmas, we were struggling to pay for
food and were two months behind in rent.
We were basically one check away from not
having enough to feed to our kids.
JESSE: I worried about having to live in a
car or the kids going hungry. I’m trying to
work as much as I can to make up for the
lost wages, but I feel bad leaving Erin at
home with the kids. Especially now that it’s
cold out, there’s not much they can do.
ERIN: Every day, I think about how I wish
I could work. It’s not Jesse’s fault that he
gets to leave the house every day. But I miss
adult interaction. I miss that drive in to
work and the drive home, where it’s just
nice and peaceful in the car.
JESSE: Staying home would start driving
me a bit crazy. I don’t want to call it babysit-
ting because they’re my children, but I don’t
want to sit around and watch cartoons.
Though I know there’s always stuff to do:
I could fold laundry, I could do dishes.
I don’t mind working. Erin’s a strong
woman, and she can handle it. At the same
time, I’m sure she’d like to feel fulfilled by
doing a job she likes.
ERIN: The self-esteem kind of goes out
the window. You feel like, What am I here
for? To pop out the children and then take
careofthem?IllustrationsbyNicoleMonkLike Dust
when school opened part-time in Septem-
ber, I had to make the decision: quit my job
or go to work those two days a week that
my son is physically in school.
JESSE: It was a pretty short conversa-
tion. We might have talked a bit about me
leaving my job, but I was making more
money at the time—$18 an hour.
ERIN: A part of me wanted Jesse to be the
one to stay home. But financially it didn’t
make sense since I made $14 an hour and
I couldn’t work remotely. As a part-time
option, my job could only give me 14 hours
a week, which wasn’t even enough to pay for
my baby’s day care. I cried. I finally had
found something I was happy doing, and
then it’s just, like, taken away.
JESSE: At first, I was kind of against her
quitting. But we really didn’t have any other
choice. It was either me or her. She was still
nursing, and she has a better education
than I do. She went to college and stuff like
that; I’ve only graduated from high school.
So it was just a little better for her to beAndothermetaphorssubmitted
byCutreadersforwhat
it feelsliketotrytokeepit together
right now.“Like sitting in a waiting room
for an uncomfortably long time
and your name is never called.”“Like I’m drowning and the only help is a
scheduled Zoom call titled ‘How Not to Drown.’”“LikeI wanttogo home,
butI amalreadyhome.”“Like a slug being asked to defuse a bomb
but the slug slime is flammable.”“Like being on an endless conveyor belt with
your bed and desk. It doesn’t really
matter what time of day it is because ‘time’ is
now determined by where your butt goes.”“Like breathing in a wet T-shirt.”Reporting by Gretty Garcia, Sarah Hagi,
Sarah Jones, Caitlin Moscatello,
Amelia Schonbek, and Nick Tabor