70 new york | february 1–14, 2021
T
he first
time I ever
masturbated
was to a
homemade
tape. I recorded the sound
of myself fake vomiting,
then listened to the tape on
my Walkman while lying
on top of a life-size George
Jetson doll. I was 10 years
old. Vomit led the way into
my sexuality, and for a while,
everything was homemade.
I would write erotica for
myself. I would create the
audio and listen to it. It
wasn’t until I was in my early
20s that I discovered vomit
erotica on the internet.
Tumblr is where I’ve found
the most variety, creativity,
and dedication to the craft.
When it comes to vomit
erotica, there’s such a wide
range. There isn’t always sex
at all, or typical sex. Of course,
on Pornhub, you can find tons
of videos of women givinghead and forced vomiting.
If it’s consensual, I’m not
against it, but on a pussy level,
it just doesn’t do it for me.
Sex is so mysterious, but I’ve
narrowed down what I like.
It’s about the total embrace.
You’re being forced to be
vulnerable; it’s not a choice.
Being embraced at your most
powerless—at your most
vile—that’s where the beauty
is. That particular vein of
acceptance and embrace is a
safety that feels so sexy to me.
I discovered this particular
writer, who goes by emeto-
wlw, a few years ago the same
way I discover my favorite
books—through other writers
I like. Well, I also find books
through friends, but I’ve never
had a friend recommend
vomit erotica. It’s a lonely
world. BDSM has a whole
multibillion-dollar industry,
but there’s no vomit-erotica
conference. I can’t go to a
hotel—nor do I think I’d evenBest Sex I Ever Read: Melissa Broder on
“Shhh, don’t try to talk, it’s okay. You’r e sick , b a by.” Magg ie
burp it up, you’ll feel better ... ” She unzipped Mira’s dress,
too tight. Fuck, this is so hot, why is this always so hot
tummy gurgling beneath her unzipped dress. Oh god,
up something acidic and dark-colored—wine-tinted bile,
that ... ” Maggie’s words were murmured, arousal masked
stomach gently. Oh, I’m ... so bloated ... oh ... oh fuck ...
was in her throat, a gush of undigested food rushing out
choking a little, then belched loudly—a strangled, wet sound
up even more thick liquid. It stopped long enough for her
stuffy. “Oh my god, I’m sorry ... that was ... oh ... ” ¶ Maggie
and incredibly turned on. Luckily Mira was distracted
the novelist and poet Melissa Broder,
author of the new book Milk Fed, writes
sex scenes that are depraved, explicit, and
fantastical. In her debut novel, The Pisces, her
heroine falls in love with a merman whose
tail begins below his dick. An omnivorous
reader, Broder had trouble settling on the
best sex she had ever read. The contenders
included a fragment of Gertrude Stein’s
poetry, a quote from the Catholic saint John
of the Cross about the ecstatic love of God
within, James Joyce’s fart letter, and the
scene from the book Call Me by Your Name
in which a man massages the excrement
from his lover’s bowels. (“The peach scene is
nothing,” she said.) In the end, she settled on
something more functional: vomit erotica by
an anonymous writer on Tumblr. “If you can
get off to one story more than ten times,” she
said, “that’s a win.” as told to lila shapiromilk fed will be published on February 2 by Scribner.