THENEWYORKER,FEBRUARY8, 2021 25
SHOUTS & MURMURS
LUCI GUTIÉRREZ
Illinois GOP Rep. Mary Miller Apologizes
for Her Remarks Praising Hitler at Pro-
Trump Rally
—Chicago Sun-Times
P
ublic speaking: it undoes the best
of us. There is the desperate need
to be amusing. There is the question of
what on earth to do with your hands.
There is the fear that, if you fail to pre-
pare adequately, you could lose your
train of thought, feel your palms go
clammy, find yourself at a loss for words,
and end up praising Hitler.
Trust me—we’ve all been there. One
moment, you’re a confident account
manager blazing into the boardroom
with a PowerPoint in tow; the next,
you’re a flustered, trembling mess, per-
spiring through your shirt and sputter-
ing, “Europe never achieved unity be-
cause the Wehrmacht was resisted,” or
“But for the Führer, Germany would
have been destroyed by bankers and
global degenerates.” You lose your place
in your notes, and, instead of delivering
the strategy pitch that was so smooth,
so assured in your bedroom mirror, you
find yourself declaring, “We must ex-
terminate the gypsies.”
Fumbles like these can cost you that
coveted promotion, a lucrative new part-
nership, or public office in certain states.
It’s not always fair, but people are judged
on their public-speaking skills, and on
their ability not to talk about the his-
torical inevitability of the Third Reich.
The good news, however, is that im-
provement is possible. Hope, like Ar-
gentina, remains within reach.
For decades, I have helped men and
women in a range of professions to feel
confident, communicate clearly, and stop
expressing public sympathy for the Nazi
project. Whether the goal is giving more
memorable talks or cutting out nervous
fillers—such as suddenly crying “Heil
Hitler!” to the people in the front row—
everybody benefits from coaching. I
should know. I used to begin my work
presentations with a three-minute warn-
ing about world domination by interna-
tional Jewry. Now I start off with a joke.
Below are a few basic tips. Just re-
member: if at first you don’t succeed,
try, try, and make friends in the Brit-
ish aristocracy.
Most important: be a problem-solver.
At some point in your talk, look audi-
ence members in the eye and say, “I
have a solution for you.” Try not to look
audience members in the eye and say,
“I have a final solution for you.”
Speak in simple language. Say “use”
instead of “utilize,” and “detailed” in-
stead of “granular.” Try not to refer to
your growth plan as an “Anschluss.”
Hand gestures are your friend. Good
ones involve open palms, joined finger-
tips, or spread arms. Do your best to
avoid a “Sieg heil” salute, or pointing at
a member of your audience with the
words “This one, ja—step aside, please.”
Make full use of your space. As a
rule, try to cross the stage once for every
two minutes of speaking. It will feel
strange, especially if you don’t click your
heels on the turns, but it looks normal
to the audience (promise).
Be a storyteller. “It was only five
years ago that I hit rock bottom” is an
arresting way to begin. “I want to take
you on a journey” is another great start.
“It was only five years ago that I or-
dered three tall blond men to start re-
cording your comings, your goings, and
your bathing habits” is less appealing—
avoid it if you can.
Tell your listeners about a time you
got it wrong. Let them learn from your
mistakes. Don’t just say, “We were all in
the Resistance or cooking coq au vin—
honestly, I barely even read the news-
papers during those years.”
Visual elements are a huge help,
but only if they don’t distract from you.
Don’t overcrowd your slides. If you
skip ahead, say, “May I have the next
slide, please?” Don’t panic and scream,
“Schneller, Juden, schneller!”
Keep to the basics. Don’t use valu-
able time for inessential digressions—
however important they may seem to
you—such as praising “the mother to
our Fatherland, the brilliant and very
sexy Eva Braun.”
Always ask questions of your audi-
ence. Pro tip: “Is the gold in your den-
tal fillings pure?” isn’t a good one.
Always remember that, although you
may be the one speaking, you represent
a team. If you like, give your team a
fun name, like “Deborah’s Dynamos”
or “Carol’s Cleanup Crew”—it can make
the week go faster. “The Master Race”
is not a good name for a work team.
Consider multimedia elements. I like
to include a brief clip from a well-known
movie to entertain my audience and
drive the point home. “Home Alone”
is a favorite. “Triumph of the Will” is
less good. (Maybe try “Top Gun”?)
Don’t overwhelm your audience with
proper nouns. If you are talking about
medical care, there is really no need to
make reference to “the excellent re-
searches of Dr. Mengele.” (Obvious to
you, I’m sure, but you’d be surprised
how many people do this.)
Most of all, have fun out there. As
long as you don’t begin a sentence “Hit-
ler was right on one thing ..., ” y o u ’ l l
be fine. Don’t panic if you do, though—
if you’re lucky, everyone will soon for-
get that we got there at all.
TIPS FOR PUBLIC SPEAKERS
BY NATHANHELLER
