The Times Magazine 7o it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow.
Who cares? Teenagers, maybe.
People who are recently engaged
and want to send a card saying
“To My Fiancée”. One thing’s for
sure: this year every couple in the
country will be conscious that it’s
Valentine’s Day tomorrow in a way
they haven’t been since they got together.
In lockdown 3, we are all hyper
relationship-aware, one eye on the news,
one on the loveometer. We’ve weathered
almost a year of enforced proximity and
now we’re thinking: “Really? What? More of
just us, day after day?” In short, many of us
are feeling that the love, never mind the
romance, is in dire need of a boost.
So, not a moment too soon, here’s ourup-to-date advice on how to reboot your
relationship this February. Maybe that’s
overstating it. Let’s go with a short His and
Hers guide on how not to make matters any
worse than they already are. Starting with:Flashpoints (for women)
His cooking. What we wished for, back in
lockdown 1, was a second pair of hands in
the kitchen, someone to share the load. What
we’ve got is Recipe Nazi and Tone Deaf Cook.
We are now eating food that no one in their
right minds would think of eating, which has
required the purchase of mirin, seaweed and
black treacle. It’s the worst of all possible
worlds because it’s not very nice, it’s fattening,
it’s stressful to watch, it requires ChristmasDay levels of washing up, and we have
to talk about it. (“Can you taste the
tamarind?”) We want sausages once in
a while. We want to use up the carrots.
We want Him to step away from the hob
and get back to doing whatever it is he
used to do.
His unnecessary amounts of exercise. Why
does this matter? Because it’s the backbone
of The Routine that shall not be tampered
with. Naturally this has been aggravated by
the arrival of the Fitbit and now it’s as if he’s
having an affair with his wrist.
His provocative poor exercising. Day after
day refusing to do the good exercises, as
advised by Us, only the joint-wrecking,
stupid, flogging to death, puff-puff, strain-
strain (all of it taken in the neck andVALENTINE’S – A SURVIVOR’S GUIDE
YOU’VE COME THIS FAR
- DON’T BLOW IT N W!
IS IT ME, OR IS IT LOCKDOWN?
WE NEED A BREAK (FROM EACH OTHER)How’s your loveometer this February 14? We thought as much.
It’s been a tough year for couples – Shane Watson comes to the rescue
S
WILLIAM ELLIOT/GALLERY STOCK