Your puppy’s first year
— a survival guide
A dog’s lifeAndrew Cotter
Living with a new furry friend can soon become as gruelling as it was
initially joyful. Here’s how to avoid being driven barking mad
Breed of
the monthBEARDED COLLIE
A collie but hairier,
a Dulux dog but
smarter and svelterLOVABILITY
9/10 — intelligent,
considerate but the
hair gets everywhereTRAINABILITY
8/10 — if they’re good
enough for Scottish
shepherds...ATTITUDE TO CATS
Benign, some herding
EXERCISE
Much less than a
border collie but still
two good walks a dayGOOD FOR
Families with gardensBAD FOR
People who dislike
vacuum cleaning or
teaching dogs tricksDogs who seem out of control have
often never been shown any control
C
ould you please tell me if
this gets any easier?” It was
a plaintive query that came my
way on Twitter — very nearly
lost amid the myriad requests
to commentate on the antics
of assorted household pets.
And, while it could just as
easily have been a question about
life itself at the moment, this
concerned a puppy that had
recently been added to a family
unit. The humans involved had
discovered that said puppy was
“a bit full-on”.
And there, you see, is the
problem. I have somehow been
allocated the role of dog guru.
It’s a nice problem to have, but
I certainly don’t purport to be
an expert. Simply because I’ve
made a few videos involving
dogs, people decide I must be
an authority on them, which is
clearly not the case. No more so
than directing a Carry On film
would make you an expert on
particularly bawdy campsites.
Yet in this day and age, a touch
of fame — no matter how feebly
the star might shine — is seen to
lend great weight to your opinion
and considerable knowledge is
presumed. This slippery slope
will eventually lead to someone
being prepped for brain surgery
and, just before they go under,
requesting that it be performed
by Phillip Schofield.
There are plenty of genuine
canine experts out there —
obviously vets being at the top
of the tree, all the way down tothose who might claim to have
a doctorate in dog behavioural
science, but whose qualification
is merely an online diploma
from an institution called the
University of Super Learning,
registered to a lock-up in Croydon.
I float somewhere between
those extremes — my credentials
are only having owned or been
around dogs my whole life. But
these years of dog companionship
have, in fact, given me a fair
repository of know-how. So, as dog
shelters across the land overflow
with cast-offs from people who
were not aware of, or could not
cope with, what they were getting
into, I offer these wise yet utterly
unqualified words:
1 From the very first night, be
strong. Let the neighbours know
there might be a bit of noise, as
if you are hosting some sort of
puppy rave, then try to ignore
the whining. If you come running,
the puppy will think that it now
has a bell to summon the home
help. Of course he/she will be
anxious at being separated from
a brood, but now is not the time
to give in. You might also consider
taking a blanket to the breeder toget covered in the scent of the
litter, then wrapping it round a
hot-water bottle for the first few
nights. I have even heard of a
ticking clock being placed in the
blanket to replicate the beating
heart of a mother, but this seems
a bit extreme. And might only
convince junior dog that there
is an explosive device nearby.
2 During the day take them out
regularly. I mean regularly. Every
20 minutes or so we’d be walking
ours out into the garden — they
have to know this means business.
And even shivering in the rain,
you encourage them. Yes, you will
sound ridiculous cheering along
in a sing-song voice, perhaps
even clapping your hands as they
curl one out, but dogs love to be
given praise. You can almost see,
in their happy trot back inside,
that the whole episode has left
them feeling a rare sense of
achievement. “I get applause
for that? God, I love this place.”
3 Shout at them only if you
catch them during an act of
wrongdoing. No doubt you are
furious to find shoes and furniture
destroyed, or an enormous gift
on the carpet with them looking