and unlike himself; his profile is almost noble for all its good intent.
Oh, Peter, why do you have to be so handsome! If you weren’t so handsome I never would have
gotten in that hot tub with you. It’s all your fault. Except it isn’t. I’m the one who took off my shoes
and socks and got in. I wanted it too. I just appreciate that he’s taking it as seriously as he is, writing
emails on our behalf. I know this is the kind of thing that Genevieve wouldn’t care about; she never
had a problem with PDAs or being the center of attention. But I care, I care a lot.
He turns his head and looks at me, studying my eyes, my face. “You don’t regret it, do you, Lara
Jean?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t.” He smiles at me so sweetly I can’t help but smile back. “Thanks
for getting them to take the video down for me.”
“Us,” Peter corrects. “I did it for us.” He links our fingers together. “It’s you and me, kid.”
I tighten my fingers around his. If we just hold on tight enough, it will all be okay.
When we walk down the hall together, girls whisper. Boys snicker. One guy from the lacrosse team
runs up and tries to high-five Peter, who swats him away with a growl.
Lucas comes up to me when I’m alone at my locker trading out my books. “I’m not going to mince
words,” he says. “I’m just going to ask. Is the girl in the video really you?”
I take deep, calming breath. “It’s me.”
Lucas lets out a low whistle. “Damn.”
“Yeah.”
“So... did you guys.. .”
“No, we definitely did not. We are not.”
“Why not?”
I’m embarrassed by the question, though I know there’s no reason for me to be. It’s just that I’ve
never been in a position to talk about my sex life before, because who would ever have thought to ask
me anything? “We aren’t because we aren’t. There’s no big reason behind it, other than I’m not ready
yet and I don’t know if he is either. We haven’t even talked about it.”
“Well, it’s not like he’s a virgin. Not by any stretch of the imagination.” Lucas makes his cerulean
blue angel eyes go wide for emphasis. “I know you’re innocent, Lara Jean, but Kavinsky definitely
isn’t. I’m saying this to you as a guy.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with me,” I say, even though I’ve wondered and worried about this
myself. Peter and I had a conversation about this once, about whether a guy and a girl who’d dated for
a long time were automatically having sex, but I don’t remember if he ever said what his take on it
was. I should have listened harder. “Look, just because he and Genevieve did it like... like wild
rabbits or whatever—” Lucas snickers at this, and I pinch him. “Just because they did it doesn’t mean
we automatically are, or that he automatically even wants to.” Does it?
“He definitely wants to.”
Gulp. “Well, too bad, so sad, if that’s the case. But honestly, I don’t think it is.” In this very
moment I decide that Peter and I will be the relationship equivalent of a brisket. Slow and low. We
will heat up for each other over time. Confidently I say, “What Peter and I have is completely
different than what he and Genevieve were. Or had. Whatever. The point is, you shouldn’t compare
relationships, okay?” Never mind the fact that I’ve been doing that constantly in my head.