it’s supposed to happen? On the floor of Carolyn Pearce’s tree house?
When his hand moves under my blouse, but still over my bra, a panicky thought leaps into my head,
one I haven’t thought before—Genevieve’s boobs are definitely bigger than mine. Will he be
disappointed?
Suddenly I blurt out, “I’m not ready to have sex with you.”
His head jerks up in alarm. “God, Lara Jean! You scared me.”
“Sorry. I just wanted to make that clear, in case it wasn’t.”
“It was clear.” Peter flashes a hurt look at me and sits up, his back ramrod straight. “I’m not some
caveman. Damn!”
“I know,” I say. I sit up and fix my necklace so the heart is in front. “Just... I hope you weren’t
thinking that because you gave me this beautiful necklace, that.. .” I stop talking because he’s glaring
at me. “Sorry, sorry. But... do you miss sex? Since you and Genevieve used to do it all the time, I
mean?” We’ve all heard the stories about Kavinsky and Gen’s sex life, how they did it in Steve
Bledell’s parents’ bedroom at his last-day-of-school party, how she went on the pill in ninth grade.
How can someone who’s used to having sex 24/7 be content with someone like me, a virgin who’s so
far barely been to second base with him? Not content. “Content” is the wrong word. Happy.
“We didn’t do it all the time! I don’t want to talk about this with you. It’s too weird.”
“I’m just saying, since I’ve never done it, but you’ve done it a lot, is that, like, a void in your life?
Do you maybe feel like... like you’re missing out? Is it, like, if I never had an ice cream sundae, so I
don’t know how good it is, but then I finally try one and I’m craving it all the time?” I chew on my
bottom lip. “Are you... craving it all the time?”
“No!”
“Be honest!”
“Do I wish we were having sex? I mean, okay, yes. But it’s not like I’m trying to pressure you. I’ve
never even brought it up! And it’s not like guys don’t have other ways of.. .” He goes red. “Of
release.”
“So... do you look at porn, then?”
“Lara Jean!”
“I have a naturally inquisitive personality! You know that about me. You used to answer all my
questions.”
“That was before. Now it’s different.”
Sometimes Peter can say the most insightful thing and not even realize he’s said it. Things are
different. They were easier before. Before sex was ever up for discussion.
Haltingly I say, “In the contract we said we’d always tell the truth.”
“Fine, but I’m not talking to you about porn.” I start to ask another question and Peter adds, “All
I’ll say about it is, any guy that says he never looks at porn is a liar.”
“So you do.” I nod to myself. Okay. Good to know. “You know those statistics people are always
spouting off, about teenage boys thinking about sex every seven seconds? Is that really true?”
“Nope. And I just want to point out that you’re the one who keeps bringing up sex. I think teenage
girls might be more obsessed than boys.”
“Maybe,” I say, and his eyes widen, all excited. Hastily I add, “I mean, I’m definitely curious
about it. It’s definitely a thought. But I don’t see myself doing it anytime soon. With anybody.
Including you.”
singke
(singke)
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