31

LUCAS AND I ARE SITTING cross-legged in the hallway, sharing a strawberry-shortcake ice cream
bar. “Stick to your side,” he reminds me as I lower my head for another bite.
“I’m the one who bought it!” I remind him. “Lucas... do you think it’s cheating to write letters to
someone? Not me, I’m asking for a friend.”
“No,” Lucas says. He raises both eyebrows. “Wait, are they sexy letters?”
“No!”
“Are they the kind of letter you wrote me?”
A meek little “no” from me. He gives me a look like he isn’t buying whatever I’m selling. “Then
you’re fine. Technically you’re in the clear. So who are you writing to?”
I hesitate. “Do you remember John Ambrose McClaren?”
He rolls his eyes. “Of course I remember John Ambrose McClaren. I had a crush on him in seventh
grade.”
“I had a crush on him in eighth!”
“Of course you did. We all did. In middle school you either liked John or you liked Peter. Those
were the two main choices. Like Betty and Veronica. Obviously John is Betty and Peter’s Veronica.”
He pauses. “Remember how John used to have that really endearing stutter?”
“Yes! I mourned it a little when it went away. It was so sweet. So boyish. And do you remember
how his hair was the color of pale butter? Like, the way I bet freshly churned butter looks.”
“I thought it was more like moonlit corn silk, but yeah. So how did he turn out?”
“I don’t know.... It’s strange because there’s the him I remember from middle school, and that’s
just my memory of him, but then there’s the him now.”
“Did you guys ever go out back then?”
“Oh no! Never.”
“So that’s probably why you’re curious about him now.”
“I didn’t say I was curious.”
Lucas gives me a look. “You basically did. I don’t blame you. I’d be curious too.”
“It’s just fun to think about.”
“You’re lucky,” he says.
“Lucky how?”
“Lucky that you have... options. I mean, I’m not officially ‘out,’ but even if I was, there are, like,
two gay guys at our school. Mark Weinberger, who’s a pizza face, and Leon Butler.” Lucas shudders.
“What’s wrong with Leon?”
“Don’t patronize me by asking. I just wish our school was bigger. There’s nobody for me here.”
He stares off into space moodily. Sometimes I look at Lucas and for a second I forget he’s gay and I
want to like him all over again.
I touch his hand. “One day soon you’ll be in the world, and you’ll have so many options you won’t
know what to do with them. Everyone will fall in love with you, because you’re so beautiful and so
charming, and you’ll look back on high school as such a tiny blip.”
Lucas smiles, and his moodiness lifts away. “I won’t forget you, though.”