CULTURE|
BROADCASTKirstie and Phil’s makeover show is ridiculously
ambitious, but Lucy Sweet is thankful that it’s
allowing her to dream of a brighter futureeing trapped in the house for a year can do strange
things to a person. I’m not quite getting to the point
of writing a tally of the days on the kitchen wall in my
own blood – but I’ve got that pencilled in for March.
You’ve got to have something to look forward to,
don’t you?
At the moment, we’re all suspended until further notice,
stranded at the depot, gathering dust. Going outside for a takeaway
co�fee feels like an invite to Beyoncé’s 40th. � e other day I even
felt a strange rush when I was in the Co-op, because AT LEAST I
WASN’T AT HOME.
When I’m at home, though, I get frequent itchy urges to change
it. Raze it to the ground! � row everything out! But then I realise
that this is just a pandemic symptom that’s not on the o�fi cial
list, and anyway, all the charity shops are shut, I can’t do DIY and
nobody is allowed in the house. � en the apathy hits, the snacks
come out and I watch Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or List It.
Aside from Grand Designs – which requires you to be a delusional
middle-aged man with a pregnant wife who doesn’t mind living in
a caravan for fi ve years while you erect a tedious monument to your
toxic masculinity in a fi eld in West Sussex – Love It or List It must be
one of the most ambitious home shows C4 has in its schedule. To
get on it you need a budget of about £50,000 and slavish faith in
the architectural skills of Kirstie Allsopp, a woman who thinks that
putting homemade pom-poms on a mop bucket qualifi es you to be
an artisan.
Here’s how it usually goes: a couple has a desirable and spacious
home that most of us would chew our leg o�f to own. One of them
likes it, one of them hates it. Kirstie bustles in sporting her Bodencrossover dresses and ‘let’s get Brexit done’
attitude, and draws up grand plans to knock
through walls and renovate it.
Meanwhile, rubbery Phil hangs about in
the background and shows them alternative
properties that are either unsuitable or beyond
their budget.
When the work is completed, they must decide
whether they want to stay or move. Usually they
buy another massive, well-appointed house that
Phil hasn’t shown them, and you sit there with
crisps all over your face wondering what people
on these shows do for a living and how they can
a�ford it all.
Anyway, recently I’ve found myself glued to it.
I think it’s because it contains possibilities that
we can currently only dream of. But until Kirstie
and Phil return with a brand new show called
Go to Bed or Stay on the Sofa, it looks like it’ll have
to do.Kirstie and Phil’s Love It or List It is on
Channel 4 on Wednesdays at 8pm and on All 4
@lucytweet1Home helps
BFROM 01 MARCH 2021 BIGISSUE.COM | 35
List for life
Phil and Kirstie’s
grand plans are
enabling viewers
to think bigImages:Channel 4