night except a vague recollection of be-
ing shunted back and forth through a
fluorescent glare, never conscious of
where I was going. I had been sedated,
which was a good thing, or I may have
plummeted into the black hole that
engulfed me. I curled up, thinking the
fetal position offered me the most reli-
able protection against free fall.
When Pat returned in the morn-
ing, she told me the doctors had con-
firmed the diagnosis—I had suffered a
stroke. How severe it had been, no one
knew yet. It would be another 36 hours
before I was told what I never, ever
thought possible: that I might be para-
lyzed on one side of my body. Soon I
would learn that not only could I not
move, but when I went to form words,
my tongue was heavy, my vocal cords
twisted. My words were strangled.
As I lay there, the confusion was
overpowering. Everything seemed so
vague. So alien. Nothing made sense,
no matter how hard I tried to slot a
sight or sound into a compartment of
my brain.
In the afternoon of the second day,
a woman came into my room and said
I had been assigned to a bed on the
fourth floor. Pat packed up my belong-
ings, and the porter rolled me up to
the acute-care ward, past people shuf-
fling along in nightgowns and patients
in wheelchairs.
As soon as I had been transferred
from the stretcher to the bed, a curtain
was whipped around its track and I
was partitioned off from the rest of theroom. A nurse told me, “If you need
assistance, just press the buzzer on the
pillow. Someone will come running.”
I don’t know what kind of magician
she figured I was. I couldn’t reach the
button, and even if I could, I lacked
the strength to press it.
I yearned to close my eyes. I could
see that Pat was anxious to get home,
but I think she feared she would be
abandoning me. Finally, I said, “Go.
Please. I need to sleep.”
My sleep was interrupted by people
taking my blood pressure, my pulse,
my blood. I was made to sit up and
swallow several pills. When Pat ar-
rived midmorning the next day, I
woke up torn between panic and a
huge sense of relief. Panic becauseTHE CONFUSION WAS
OVERPOWERING.
EVERYTHING SEEMED
SO VAGUE. SO ALIEN.108 july/august 2019
Reader’s Digest