Reader's Digest - USA (2019-07)

The first stage of a realistic baking

show would be each contestant trying

to open a jammed utensil drawer.

—@blade_funner

with singles. As our

waitress collected the

ones, she sized up my

70-year-old wife and

said, “You had a good

night dancing last

night, huh?”

—Elliott Smith

Worcester, Massachusetts

My husband talks in his

sleep. Unfortunately,

he also snores, so I

sometimes give him

the wifely elbow.

“What?!” he de-

manded one night, still

mostly asleep.

“Turn over—you’re

snoring,” I said.

He did as instructed

and while doing so

muttered, “That’s

nothing; you should

hear my wife snore.”

—Karen Brungardt

Tucson, Arizona

A friend took her son

to the doctor’s office

after he sprained his

Got a funny story

about friends or

family? It could be

worth $$$. For details,

go to page 4 or

rd.com/submit.

finger. The nurse

applied a splint,

only to be told she’d

put it on the wrong

finger.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“That’s OK,” my

friend’s son said. “You

were only off by one

digit.”

—Prudence Perry

Federal Way, Washington

My neighbor texted me,

“I just made synonym

buns!”

I texted back, “You

mean like grammar

use to make?”

I haven’t heard from

her since.

—Gerald L. Loffredo

Chandler, Arizona

TAKE THE

BRAIN

FREEZE

QUIZ

You know how some-

times your brain can’t

conjure up a really simple

word but it somehow

constructs an inspired

substitution? Here’s one

from (^) @Bramptonmel:
“My 17-year-old child
forgot the word foal and
called it a horse puppy
instead.” Twitter is filled
with these semiprecious
gems. Try to deduce
these elusive words
(answers below):

1. A really REALLY
   wet salad.
   —@wesleymallin


2. How-far machine.
   —@hardleygirl
   (susan long)


3. One of the metal
   things with four
   stabby fingers.
   —@laurie_winkless


4. Arctic cabbage.
   —@GreyAreaUK


5. Meat pickle.
   —@AlistairDove

ers: 1. soup, 2. tape answ

measure, 3. fork, 4. iceberg

lettuce, 5. hot dog

rd.com 19

m.

u

na

lo

zm

en

/s

hu

tt

er

st

oc

k