RDUSA201905

was, and she responded with the

same thing she always said whenever

I needed her for something: “Just a sec!”

I didn’t even think before I called

back, “No more secs for you, young

lady. Get over here right now!” Big

oops as soon as it left my mouth—

and I noticed that people had turned

around to stare at us.

—Bonnie Skinner

Dyersburg, Tennessee

Running into Trouble

When my brother, my sister, and

I were little kids and we ran around

outdoors, my mom would say,

“If you fall down and break your legs,

don’t come running to me!”

—Kathy Milici Newton, New Jersey

Stop the Presses

My husband had just opened a print-

ing business. He called it Alpha

Thermography because he special-

ized in thermography, a type of

raised print. One day I overheard my

mom telling one of her friends,

“It’s called Alpha Pornography.”

—Janice Seidner

Knoxville, Tennessee

White-Coat Syndrome

Unless she is “near death,” as she puts it,

my mom refuses to go to the doctor.

Recently, she noticed her doctor at a

church reception. The man nodded

and smiled at her, and she walked over to

join him at the dessert table.

“I really need to call you for a visit,”

she confided. “I know it’s been a

while.” He nodded knowingly,

and she leaned closer to

whisper into his ear, “You know,

I would come see you more

often if you wouldn’t ask me to

take off my clothes every time.”

A red flush crept up the

man’s neck, and he shook his

head and smiled. “I believe

you must have me confused

with someone else,” he said.

“Perhaps your doctor?”

—Jan Semple McKinney

paris, texas

110 may 2019

Reader’s Digest Humor