4
5 6My name is:
Garrett Michael Boofias^1
My birthday is:
I am five years old.
My address is:
I am a Bulldog!
My favorite color is:
Blue and red and black and green.
My favorite superhero is:
Batman^2 ... and Thor, Iron Man,
the Hulk, and Cyborg.
When I grow up:
I’m going to be a professional boxer.
My favorite people^3 are:
Mommy^4 ; Daddy; my sister “Delcina”
(Delphina); the grandparents with the
new house (Fredric and Cheryl
Krueger); the grandparents with the
camper (Daniel and Nita Matthias); my
cousins Grady, “that guy I took down
one time” (Luke), and London Marie; my
Auntie Janette and stinky Uncle Andy
(Andrew and Janette Krueger); those
two guys, you know, my uncles Kristop-
fer Krueger and James Taylor; BATMAN!!
The things I love the most:
Playing with my sister, my blue
bunny, thrash metal, Legos,
my day care friends, Batman, and
when they put me to sleep before
they access my port.
Things I hate:
Pants, dirty stupid cancer, when
they access my port, needles,
and the monkey nose that smells
like cherry farts. I do like the mint
monkey nose at Mayo Radiation,
and that one guy that helped
me build Legos (Randy).
When I die:
I am going to be a gorilla^5
and throw poo at Daddy!
Burned or buried:
I want to be burned (like when Thor’s
mommy died) and made into a tree
so I can live in it when I’m a gorilla.
Big or small funeral:
Funerals are sad. I want five
bouncy houses^6 (because I’m five),
Batman, and snow cones.March 26, 2013–July 6, 2018Garrett Michael Matthias
aka “The Great Garrett Underpants,” of Van Meter, Iowades moines register (july 11, 2018), copyright © 2018 by gannett-community publishing. all rights reserved.
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