RD201906

Got a funny story

about friends or fam-

ily? It could be worth

$$$. For details, go to

rd.com/submit.

My daughter was anxious to do some

landscaping at her new home, but then

she called up sounding discouraged.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get these flowers

planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in

full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”

—Doris Grayem Akron, Ohio

Although I’d been dat-

ing a woman for sev-

eral months, I guess I

didn’t know her as well

as I thought. One day I

called, and her ten-

year-old son answered.

“Hi,” I said. “It’s

Tom. Can I speak with

your mom?”

He responded, “Are

you Tom One or Tom

Two?”

Needless to say, his

mother is now down to

one Tom.

—Thomas Falldorf

Port St. Lucie, Florida

Every year from when

he was age 5 to 12,

screenwriter Daniel

Stiepleman would re-

ceive a copy of the

United States Constitu-

tion as a gift from his

aunt, Supreme Court

Justice Ruth Bader

Ginsburg.

“In my 20s, I thought,

Aha! She was teaching

me something very im-

portant about patrio-

tism and law,” he told

the New Yorker. “Now

I’m in my 30s and have

kids of my own, and I

realize, No, she just gets

a discount at the Su-

preme Court gift shop.”

Toddler walks by with

a hammer.

Me: What are you

going to make?

Toddler: Noise.

—@iwearaonesie

GET ME A REWRITE!

All of these headlines

are real—except one. Can

you spot which is from

the humor site fark.com?

s.com er: 1) apnewansw

2) theguardian.com 3) philly.com

4) fark.com 5) the post crescent

isconsin), submitted by (appleton, w

alice thomes

MAN WHO JUMPED

OUT OF FREEZER AND

DIED WAS COLD-CASE

SUSPECT

1

Some Clown Fish

Have No Personality,

Australian Study Finds

DAY CARE CENTER

PLANS BRAT FRY TODAY

Former Philly Traffic

Court Judge—Convicted

of Lying to Feds—Seeks

“Fresh Start” in Congress

Body Found at Base

of Cliff Near Mount

Rushmore. The Only

Four Witnesses

Remain Stone-Faced.

2

3

4

5

rd.com 25

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