RD201906

hand and staring at a squirming worm

in the other. “What are you doing?”

Dad asked. My brother, nodding to-

ward the worm, quietly answered, “I’m

waiting for him to open his mouth.”

—John Kasun

Duncansville, Pennsylvania

She’s Got His Back

I was in the third grade when the

principal called me into his office.

“Did you and your brother leave

the house at the same time this

morning?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Well, Sam played hooky from

school today.”

I knew that wasn’t true, and I

told him so. “He couldn’t have. The

only game he knows how to play is

checkers.”

The principal smiled, patted me

on the head, and sent me back to my

classroom.

—M.J.C. via rd.com

Revenge Is Best Served Loud

Me: Hi! Welcome to [the toy store

where I worked]. Can I help you find

anything in particular?

Customer: I’m mad at my sister,

and my nephew’s birthday is coming

up. What do you have that makes

loud, repetitive noises and can’t be

turned off? —notalwaysright.com

Role-Playing

One day, my younger brother

knocked on our neighbor’s door

and asked if her son, David, could

come out to play. Suspicious, since

David wasn’t usually a favorite

playmate, she asked Larry why.

He replied matter-of-factly, “We

need a monster.”

—Pamela Blair

Asheville, North Carolina

Just Following Orders

We were setting the dining room

table for guests when my mother

asked my brother, eight at the time,

to get the napkins. He disappeared

into the other room and then

“The highlight

of my childhood was

making my brother

LAUGH SO HARD

THAT FOOD CAME

OUT HIS NOSE.”

—Garrison Keillor, humorist

82 june 2019

Reader’s Digest