RD201904

day, John died, leaving

Ned inconsolable. A

few weeks later, Ned

heard someone calling

his name. He looked

up. Standing on a

cloud was his old pal.

“Ned,” John called

down, “I have good

news and bad. The

good news is, there’s

baseball in heaven!”

“Great,” said Ned.

“What’s the bad

news?”

“You’re pitching

Sunday.”

—Earl fincher

Healdsburg, California

A customer walks

into a pet shop and

inquires about buying

a goldfish.

“Do you need an

aquarium?” asks the

salesperson.

“No,” says the cus-

tomer. “I don’t care

what sign it is.”

—friarsclub.com

Got a funny joke?

It could be worth $$$.

For details, go to

rd.com/submit.

The priest said to the

poor farmer, “If you

had a horse, would you

give it to the Lord?”

“Yes,” answered the

farmer.

“And if you had a

cow?”

EVERYONE’S

A CRITIC

Feel like renting a good

movie? Don’t waste your

time with these hits, say

reviewers on Amazon:

back to the future

part ii: “This was the

most unrealistic load of

junk that one could ever

see in their life. Time travel

is only possible at 180,000

miles per second, not

88 miles per hour.”

free willy: escape from

pirate’s cove: “How

many times must Willy be

freed before he’s freed?”

grease: “Good movie

but not for family. Too

many indawendos.”

harry potter and the

sorcerer’s stone:

“It’s not believable.”

mission: impossible—

rogue nation: “Fifth

film in the franchise, and

they finish the mission

and win the day. I’m not

convinced these films

should be called Mission:

Impossible anymore, be-

cause they’re clearly not.”

pitch perfect: “What is

wrong with filmmakers

today? This film has

captured my daughter’s

flights of fancy, and now

she thinks she can sing.”

the wolf of wall street:

“There were no wolves

in this movie.”

“Absolutely.”

“And a goat?”

“Sure.”

“A pig?”

“That’s not fair!”

protested the farmer.

“You know I have a pig!”

—hayspost.com

Reader’s Digest

rd.com 43

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