Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

meet other needs as well. And the boys wouldn't be climbing the walls. We could
even plan some recreational activities with the cousins, aunts, and uncles, which
would be an added benefit.”
They synergize. They communicate back and forth until they come up with a
solution they both feel good about. It's better than the solutions either of them
originally proposed. It's better than compromise. It's a synergistic solution that
builds P and PC.
Instead of a transaction, it's a transformation. They get what they both really
want and build their relationship in the process.
Negative Synergy
Seeking the Third Alternative is a major Paradigm Shift from the
dichotomous, either/or mentality. But look at the difference in results.
How much negative energy is typically expended when people try to solve
problems or make decisions in an interdependent reality? How much time is
spent in confessing other people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict,
protecting one's backside, masterminding, and second guessing? It's like trying
to drive down the road with one foot on the gas and the other foot on the brake.
And instead of getting a foot off the brake, most people give it more gas.
They try to apply more pressure, more eloquence, more logical information to
strengthen their position.
The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an
interdependent reality. They're either dependent on borrowing strength from
position power and they go for win-lose or they're dependent on being popular
with others and they go for lose-win. They may talk win-win technique, but they
don't really want to listen; they want to manipulate. And synergy can't thrive in
that environment.
Insecure people think that all reality should be amenable to their paradigms.
They have a high need to clone others, to mold them over into their own
thinking. They don't realize that the very strength of the relationship is in having
another point of view. Sameness is not oneness; uniformity is not unity. Unity, or
oneness, is complementariness, not sameness. Sameness is uncreative...and
boring. The essence of synergy is to value the differences.
I've come to believe that the key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal
synergy, that is synergy within ourselves. The heart of interpersonal synergy is
embodied in the principles in the first three habits, which give the internal
security sufficient to handle the risks of being open and vulnerable. By
internalizing those principles, we develop the Abundance Mentality of win-win
and the authenticity of Habit 5.
One of the very practical results of being principle-centered is that it makes