Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

responsibility for the unhappy situation to the administrator. He, himself, he
declared, was not responsible.
As we talked, little by little, he came to realize that he was indeed
responsible, but that because he did not handle this responsibility well, he was
being irresponsible.
Many divorced people fall into a similar pattern. They are still consumed
with anger and bitterness and self-justification regarding an ex-spouse. In a
negative sense, psychologically they are still married -- they each need the
weaknesses of the former partner to justify their accusations.
Many “older” children go through life either secretly or openly hating their
parents. They blame them for past abuses, neglect, or favoritism and they center
their adult life on that hatred, living out the reactive, justifying script that
accompanies it.
The individual who is friend- or enemy-centered has no intrinsic security.
Feelings of self-worth are volatile, a function of the emotional state or behavior
of other people. Guidance comes from the person's perception of how others will
respond, and wisdom is limited by the social lens or by an enemy-centered
paranoia. The individual has no power. Other people are pulling the strings.
Church Centeredness. I believe that almost anyone who is seriously involved
in any church will recognize that churchgoing is not synonymous with personal
spirituality. There are some people who get so busy in church worship and
projects that they become insensitive to the pressing human needs that surround
them, contradicting the very precepts they profess to believe deeply. There are
others who attend church less frequently or not at all but whose attitudes and
behavior reflect a more genuine centering in the principles of the basic Judeo-
Christian ethic.
Having participated throughout my life in organized church and community
service groups, I have found that attending church does not necessarily mean
living the principles taught in those meetings. You can be active in a church but
inactive in its gospel.
In the church-centered life, image or appearance can become a person's
dominant consideration, leading to hypocrisy that undermines personal security
and intrinsic worth. Guidance comes from a social conscience, and the church-
centered person tends to label others artificially in terms of “active,” “inactive,”
“liberal,” “orthodox,” or “conservative.”
Because the church is a formal organization made up of policies, programs,
practices, and people, it cannot by itself give a person any deep, permanent
security or sense of intrinsic worth. Living the principles taught by the church
can do this, but the organization alone cannot.