We aren't a religious household anyways, and I don't know enough to
keep the tradition alive.
But at the same time, it's both a driving force andingrained in me. I've
grown up with weekly dim sum, attending Chinese school,speaking
Chinese around the dinner table. The habits of myhousehold and the
community around me are woven into me, and I'll alwayscarry them
with me.
I think the two polar views I have of me being Asianis due to social
views, and internalized racism. Growing up in Canada,there's always
been this silent pressure to "just be Canadian", notthat weird ethnic
kid. You're considered a little weird if you wearChinese clothing to
school on Chinese New Year, or wear Buddhist jewellery,or only speak
Chinese at home. There's a little shame. But at thesame time, you're
teased if you don't know any Chinese. People callyou whitewashed,
and they may not say it, but I think they don't consideryou "really
Asian". I've been guilty of thinking these thoughtstoo.
But I definitely have fond memories of Asian culture.I love the friends
I've made through Chinese school, and I enjoy eatingdim sum with my
family. Volunteering at the local Chinese school canbe taxing, but it
was still a worthwhile experience. I like going outto eat during
Chinese holidays. But at the same time, I don't thinkI'd be able to
confidently say that to any of my peers.
Differ from Asian stereotype(s).
Well, I'm not good at math. While I do fine in school,academics aren't
my strong suit. I'm more of an arts focused person(I write, draw, and
I'm a member of my school's choir). My favourite subjectsin school
definitely aren't STEM, and I have no interest ingoing into STEM for
university either.
I don't really fit into the model of "submissive,modest, skinny Asian
girl" either. Well I mean, I'm the "baby" of some of my friend groups and
it's true that I typically go along with what theysay, but I know when to
push back against others. I'm not just a doormat.And while I do dress
modestly, if I had the money and confidence, I'd totallybe an egirl
lmao. I'm not skinny, and my body has been quite thepoint of
insecurity for me. Honestly, the only word I identifywith in that entire
phrase is "Asian". I use she/they pronouns with someof my friends, and
while I'm not out to anyone, I've been consideringidentifying with the
label demigirl.
I'm not exactly a common stereotype, and the mostjoked about one, is
that Asians get high grades. I think that has contributedto the stress I
put upon myself to get high grades. When my peershave joked about
"Asian fails", and my grade is below it, I definitelyfeel guilty. I've also
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