Generality:“Yellow”. 15
When I was in middle school I would always compare myself (how I
looked) with my friends (or even strangers), “I wishI had blue eyes, I
wish I had blonde hair”, “I wish my eyes were bigger,I wish my nose
would be smaller”, “Why can’t I look like them? Whydo I look like I do?”
etc. These thoughts would often pop up in my head.When I think back
to it, I was basically wishing to not be asian, ihadn’t accepted myself
and my ethnicity. However at the time when these thoughtsoccurred, I
didn’t realise that I was unhappy with my ethnicity.I think it’s because I
didn’t know what ethnicity exactly meant. I wouldthink that “Oh but
they probably think the same as me, they are alsounhappy with the
way they look...”. I didn’t really make the connection(?? Unsure how to
express myself hehe) and my feelings towards my ethnicitywas not
that positive.
In high school I would say my feelings towards myethnicity would be
more neutral than negative. I don’t really know why,but I would just
stop having these thoughts that I wanted to changemy appearance. I
wouldn’t say that I had completely accepted they wayI looked or
anything, I just didn’t think about.
It’s now that I have started to think more about myethnicity and how
I’m starting to embrace it. I would definitely saythat my thoughts
regarding my ethnicity has been influenced by thepeople around me.
Before, I didn’t talk about my ethnicity or what ethnicityreally is and
therefore I didn’t thought about it and what kindimpact and meaning
it can have to people. But now during the recent years,I have started to
surround myself more with people with the same backgroundas me,
the same ethnicity and even some of the same thoughtsand feelings
I’ve been having. I’ve also stopped following thesame western media
everyday, and started watching more eastern media.I think that has
helped me a lot in just understanding that my ethnicityis more than
the stereotypical “characters” that are displayedin western media. It
has made me want to embrace my ethnicity more andbroaden my
perspective and grow as a person.
Differ from Asian stereotype(s).
Most of the time I would say I’m quite loud, cheerfuland open. I want
other people around me to feel comfortable and happyso I try to
radiate a kind of cheerful and bubbly aura. Even thoughi can be quite
load most of the times, I don’t like being in thespotlight and having
everyone’s attention, regardless of the people, ifit’s my family of my
closest friends, I just get uncomfortable. Not allthe time though but
most of the time I would try to redirect the attentionto someone else.
I feel like the stereotype for asians are that theyare “nerdy, organised
and introverted people”, that they have a lot of thoughtsbut they don’t
mchaos
(mchaos)
#1