Anonymous | nationality: Indonesian | ethnicity: Chinese
“Yellow”.
In indonesian, "Kuning" and "Kulit Kuning" means yellow and yellow
skin respectively. It does certainly get used as aslur here, but I've been
lucky enough to not experience those words firsthand.Mostly I feel like
it's outdated, like the slur itself is so outrightracist that it doesn't sink
in as much as other more specific comments do.
“Asian”.
I think it's mostly by your family tree/bloodline.When people say, "I'm
20% Asian", I think it's their right to associatewith that heritage, but I
don't think it's right to disregard the other 80%or to claim themselves
as an "Asian" in the broadest terms.
Ethnicity|part1.
Indonesian, Chinese, South East Asian. I was taughtmostly Indonesian
culture, but I think I might practice more Chinesetraditions at home.
It's kind of weird but I sense those cultures existin my life as more a
way-of-live rather than important traditions. Likefuneral processions
don't feel "chinese-esque" to me at all, even whenI do the details like
folding and burning fake paper money or praying toa shrine. I wouldn't
call what I have pride for my culture, but more likebelonging. Where I
can embrace it, where I have responsibility for andto it, but pretty
selfishly, only when I'm tempered into doing the smallerthings... like
eating dyed eggs on birthdays.
Ethnicity|part2.
If I'm being honest, it's mainly societal pressure.There is a pressure to
have a basic set of identity and labels, and the wordsI've chosen feel
like a rushed answer to a hastily asked question.I don't know If I fully
identify as any of those. I went to China once andgot told several times
that we look like Japanese people... weren't I supposedto be of their
blood? In Indonesia, I've been called "Chinese", butin a way that
somehow makes me sad... weren't we living on the samearchipelago?
It affects me, how I see the world and how the worldsees me. even if
in a negative/positive way, it still does. but theanxiety of being asked
who I was, and not having an answer somehow feelsworse... I'm sure
my ambiguity won't change to conclusiveness anytimesoon, but if you
had to ask who I was, I would still say those words.though, I'm not
sure if that's good or bad lol.
Differ from Asian stereotype(s).
I used to want to fill the stereotype of a smart asian.I expected myself
to go overseas, get a STEM degree, but none of itworked out. I was
smart, but I wasn't studious. I was logical, but Iwasn't methodical. In
fact, I was rebellious in the dumbest ways. To thepoint where I got
kicked out of school.
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