My Body is a Cage and Other Stories

After the movie, he asks if I still want to come over. I think for a second. Yes, yes I do. I
want to make out with this cute boy on his couch.But then no, I don’t at all want to go over,
because what if he decides he wants more than I cangive him at the moment, or what if he is
disappointed with the way I kiss? And if he wantsmore than I can give him, will I be able to say
no? Or will I again be a passive participant in mylife, as my therapist warns me against? This
should be a yes or no answer. What is wrong with me?
“No pressure,” he says and turns the car on. Thereis always pressure.
“Will you be disappointed if I say no?”
“Not at all.”
I search for signs of irritation or anger or dismayin his face, but he just looks back at me.
Suspicious, I narrow my eyes.
“Mae.” He says it with a little force. “Not. At. All.If you’re thinking this hard about it,
I’ll just take you home. No worries.”
“Okay. I do want to go to your apartment then.”
He shakes his head and his face is aglow with thered of the stoplight.
“What?”
“We are not doing anything unless we are both totallyinto it.”
“I’m into it!”
“Well, now I’m not. I don’t think you’re totally intoit, and now I’m not.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No. Just don’t say yes if you aren’t feeling it andI won’t either. That’s why we’re doing
this, right?”
“It’s hard to tell sometimes. If I want it or not.”