He shakes his head, sprinkling shredded carrots over two bowls of salad. “Why did you
tell the first person you told?”
It was my first psychiatrist appointment, ever. AndI had been waiting so long for help,
and for someone to hear it. The psychiatrist was astranger, she couldn’t hate me for it. Even if
my father, stepmother, stepbrother would hate me fortelling, even if my mother became
disgusted with me, which I thought she would be, thisstranger would just listen. I tell him this.
“Strangers are unaffected by the situation. I guessthat makes it easier.”
“It would devastate my mom if she knew.”
“That’s not your responsibility, Eli.”
“Maybe not. Doesn’t make it any easier.”
We watch Naked & Afraid because he’s never seen itand it’s my favorite show ever. Two
contestants survive in various wild terrains, withno clothes on their body for 21 days. It’s
fascinating. It’s unabashed. We sit side by side onthe couch, and after I put our dishes in the sink
I make sure to sit a little closer than I was before.He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls
me to his side. All I can think about is how goodit feels, how warm. My cheek rests on his
shoulder and his hoodie smells like clean laundry.Perhaps I could steal it while we are playing
house. I’ve heard that’s what girlfriends do. He’sfascinated by this show, and as he’s distracted I
my gaze traces the brown dots down his neck. He catchesme staring.
“What?”
I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. I’m alsoscared. You’re just so very warm.
“Will you kiss me?”
“Why don’t you kiss me?”