Eat, Pray, Love

nate. In making an effort to stay alert, I am assuming custodial responsibility for the mainten-
ance of my own soul.
Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship—a play between divine grace and willful self-effort.
Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will
show measurable consequence. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he en-
tirely the captain of his own destiny; he’s a little of both. We gallop through our lives like circus
performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses—one foot is on the horse called
“fate,” the other on the horse called “free will.” And the question you have to ask every day
is—which horse is which? Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it’s not un-
der my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort?
There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jur-
isdiction. There are certain lottery tickets I can buy, thereby increasing my odds of finding
contentment. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body
and life and money and energy with. I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose
how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life—whether I will see them as
curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimistic view-
point, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change
my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And
most of all, I can choose my thoughts.
This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my atten-
tion recently, when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, “Groceries,
you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes
you’re gonna wear every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things
in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.
Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in
deep trouble forever.”
On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the
other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repres-
sion and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feelings are not
occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative
thoughts, understanding where they came from and why they arrived, and then—with great
forgiveness and fortitude—dismissing them. This is a practice that fits hand-in-glove with any
psychological work you do during therapy. You can use the shrink’s office to understand why
you have these destructive thoughts in the first place; you can use spiritual exercises to help
overcome them. It’s a sacrifice to let them go, of course. It’s a loss of old habits, comforting
old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course this all takes practice and effort. It’s not a teach-