this species that bloom throughout our culture. The persistent name-
dropper is a classic example. So, too, is the rock-music groupie, who
trades sexual favors for the right to tell girlfriends that she was “with”
a famous musician for a time. No matter which form it takes, the beha-
vior of such individuals shares a similar theme—the rather tragic view
of accomplishment as deriving from outside the self.
Certain of these people work the association principle in a slightly
different way. Instead of striving to inflate their visible connections to
others of success, they strive to inflate the success of others they are
visibly connected to. The clearest illustration is the notorious “stage
mother,” obsessed with securing stardom for her child. Of course, wo-
men are not alone in this regard. In 1991 a Davenport, Iowa, obstetrician
cut off service to the wives of three school officials, reportedly because
his son had not been given enough playing time in school basketball
games. One of the wives was eight months’ pregnant at the time.
Physicians’ wives often speak of the pressures to obtain personal
prestige by association with their husband’s professional stature. John
Pekkanen, who authored the book The Best Doctors in the U.S., reports
that many enraged protests to his list came not from the physicians
who were omitted but from their wives. In one instance that reveals
the extent to which the principle of association dominates the thinking
of some of these women, Pekkanen received a letter from a frantic wife
along with her proof that her husband deserved to be on the list of best
doctors. It was a photograph of the man with Merv Griffin.
HOW TO SAY NO
Because liking can be increased by many means, a proper consideration
of defenses against compliance professionals who employ the liking
rule must, oddly enough, be a short one. It would be pointless to con-
struct a horde of specific countertactics to combat each of the myriad
versions of the various ways to influence liking. There are simply too
many routes to be blocked effectively with such a one-on-one strategy.
Besides, several of the factors leading to liking—physical attractiveness,
familiarity, association—have been shown to work unconsciously to
produce their effects on us, making it unlikely that we could muster a
timely protection against them.
Instead we need to consider a general approach, one that can be ap-
plied to any of the liking-related factors to neutralize their unwelcome
influence on our compliance decisions. The secret to such an approach
may lie in its timing. Rather than trying to recognize and prevent the
action of liking factors before they have a chance to work on us, we
might be well advised to let them work. Our vigilance should be directed
Robert B. Cialdini Ph.D / 153